Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
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Top comments
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
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Comments (201)
DigitalFusion 4
Ouch.
princessbits 17
That's really sexy OP
mancool124 4
i did the same thing
Jakesterk96 8
You're sharp.
sabrinarock33 0
LolxD most definitely
IamAbc 2
Are glasses actually made of glass? I always thought they were plastic.
bassdredd 2
I'm pretty sure glasses are shatter-proof..at least the newer ones are, you don't want shards sent into your eyes whenever someone bumps into you. they just crack but they don't shatter.
milkymoo 0
l
EvilPotato 15
Next time make sure not to get any glass in your ass OP.
Cryathalon 4
Threw it on da ground!! You can't buy me hotdog man!
bulgeinmypants 0
Talk about an asshole
Lidiya8lml 0
156 u fail at puns
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
I had no idea a pair of glasses had such deadly capabilities! O_o
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
supersexyme 0
Ha ha ha good one
icelalyubila 6
I see what you did there lol
LolFMLnot 10
Ahahhahaha sorry OP. I wonder how your gonna shit now XD
n_epic_fail 14
Yes we all see what she did there no need to state the obvious.
unoffensivename 0
Taking a dump will be like making out with an ugly chick painful
sicnesses 6
.......ah HA! I get it!!!!
death_dolphin24 0
So punny
bubble25_fml 5
62- But, by stating that, have you not stated the obvious yourself? I mean, you did mention that we can all see what she did there. Think about it...
butterz69 0
Haha funny
yasssx3 6
*Badum tss*
GovernorGeneral 8
95- ya but we could all tell that she just did what she accused the dude on. Now youre just stating the obvious. Omg. Now im stating the obvious. OMG NOW IM STATING THE OBVIOUS THAT IT WAS SO OBVIOUS. WHEN WILL IT END!?!?
GovernorGeneral 8
Inception : Mindfuck
qwaszxwesdxc 0
Faved
qwaszxwesdxc 0
Faved
Chaos187 6
That's going to hurt for a few days.. Sorry OP
SkoomaKi 28
Sitting is way overrated, lying is the shit!
Dadothy 8
I actually did that once but I didn't cut myself I only broke the frames on my glasses
shovels 0
It's ok...
gurly98 13
What does OP mean
ILookAtFMLs 13
Two Fallout profile pics in a single thread. Make that three because mine is a Cazador.
watchasay71 4
Nice one...
neal001 0
I dont think there isnt gonna be any anal sex today.
markrs 0
Well that's a way to open up...
Monkeybuttcream 4
OP - You are lucky you didn't lay down on your stomach and slice your dick off!
xiaoxaio 5
ya u know cause ur dick is on ur stomach
somerandomdude19 2
Smooth move.. Glass butt :P
your_ma 27
Literally the worst effort at an insulting nickname I've ever heard. Fail.
boofgall 16
Using fail is stupid. You lose!
manatees_r_epic 0
Glass ass! :D
FatCrackhead 3
the only thing worse is using "epic fail"
flames57323 11
Gotta suck big time ;)
TKmax 5
5- smooth comment
your_ma 27
42 - stop being a twat :)
tanneriscool 2
175 - fail was a fad. It's now done. Therefore, your the twat :)
thesockbunny 5
Whomp!
Mister_Triangle 21
It may just be me,, but I don't think that sound is generally associated with breaking glass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
Eggers 2
I dunno, the thought of my girlfriend doing that is turning me on a bit...
ShyAnn29 15
And it's a bit awkward making out with your glasses on.
mattmadden 0
I don't know why people thumb Keevarou down for reading the post wrong.
LightningCactus 12
What a rebel!
tplunk 0
She's foreign. It's sexy to them
buckstop1 37
37 stole the words right out of my mouth. Personally OP could've just put his glasses on his collar, that's what I usually do. And I can tell you from personal experience that depending on the frame, it can be near impossible to make out with your glasses on
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Flip side - no more constipation! Yeah!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
No need for that outdated and downright primitive anatomical feature - now it all just conveniently slides out! Welcome to the lazy 21st century!
rabbittboi 18
Just a stray thought here: you bleed, you clot. Sounds like you would come closer to super glueing your crack shut, rather than facilitating easy movement.
Feeby_fml 4
It all begins when they say, "thinking I was sexy..."
shovels 0
What?
Eggers 2
you laid down on the ground and not the bed or couch? who does that?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Pfff, I dunno, only crazy people are capable thinking up of such a preposterous location to do the deed.
Eggers 2
i can't be the only one here that doesn't enjoy carpet burn
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I can't be the only one here who doesn't have carpet in every room.
FatCrackhead 3
i was thinking the same thing. hella wierd laying on the floor... where were they?
bogmire 6
So so true...
ThatLooksSticky 16
I imagined OP & their crush outside in a field of daisies, rolling around and pawing at each other like animals.
FatCrackhead 3
i imagined an abandoned wharehouse with rat shit and puddles from leaky pipes. hella nasty