Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
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Top comments
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
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Comments (201)
eatsleepjb 8
Oh my god by butt hurts just reading this. FYL
RuCheezBurger 10
LLook on the bright side, you made out with your crush. And I'm guessing she took a look at your butt to see how bad it was.
ufaililaugh 0
glasses aren't made if glads its glass like material that can't shatter
ILEIKGURLS 0
Oh yeah, that's why they're called "glasses."
farhil 14
Basketballs aren't made out of baskets, smartass
AmbrosiaWriter 17
#32 - They USED to be made out of glass, but not anymore. When you use glass, in order to become a stronger lens for more heavy duty correction, the glass would have to be made thicker and thicker, which became very ridiculous looking and just very cumbersome. NOW glasses are made from a shatterproof plastic, hence why a person needing only slight correction and someone (like myself) who needs a heavy correction can both have the exact same thickness of lens.
hendersh 0
That crack is supposed to be there.
drewhan 2
Haha sounds like a redneck thing to do
AlwaysCracked 6
Maybe you should've been wearing them so you could see what you were doing. Like making a fool of yourself.
xxmusicroxxx 0
You are good looking
thewifey310 7
Dont b so butthurt, atleast you got to make out with ur crush!! I guess its kind of a Bittersweet situation :p
andrewboygenius 4
That first sentence made me cringe lol
HogwartsDropout7 0
Why take of your glasses?
narrowords 18
Obviously you don't have them. Dangerous corners. Annoying angles. Smudges.
jovan1281 0
That's ****** crazy