Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML
Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML
Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML
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Top comments
cutiepie343 7
Love the OP's username!! Lolz
EwanSmith 2
at least you made the effort. keep it up. oh wait a minute...
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Comments (213)
cutiepie343 7
Love the OP's username!! Lolz
emvictoria 9
It can be fixed :)
MedKits 9
We're gonna need some Heavy Duty industrial grade meds for this one.
MikeDa1Da 14
26- nah, 1 and 22 can fix this one ;)
Viciousstorms 7
Bob the builder, can he fix it?
monkeysareyummy 0
Duck tape fixes everything! Maybe a little super glue wouldn't hurt either..
rexgar2000 10
time for the Viagra.
Awsumuzzie 12
Think of this as a math problem to somewhat solve the issue... He needs to find a girl name Dystiny, the 'dys' would cancel out his 'dys' from function. He'll be left with tiny erectile function, but it's better than nothing.
carlovr435 10
Viva viagra!
suxs4ulol 22
number 58- awsomest math ever!
theten_fml 9
Worst comment. Quick someone hack his/her account and delete it!!
enonymous 9
OP if you don't use it you lose it
dustyroaty 7
macgyver it, get a pencil and an elastic band, problem solved xD
aliaskis 3
Does one time of it not working make it dysfunctional? I would have to also assume that you have used it by yourself at some point during that time. Maybe you were so anxious about this once in 5 years opportunity that it stressed you out too much to perform. There's nothing wrong with performance anxiety, and any decent person would understand that and not hold it against you or discount you for future opportunities (once your next 5 year mark comes up, of course).
Bulzye 2
We have the technology!
Muser97 1
I was gonna write that but I see u did first. Good job
Kirlyfoo 9
Why do i get the feeling that so many people disliked 58's comment because of her muslimish scarf? Asses
xoconnie 8
or maybe ur just gay...
Discombobulated9 12
Erectile dysfunction is usually due to being overweight (especially at such a young age). If you really are overweight, now is as good as any time to start losing it.
DetLions32 6
Good thing girls will **** anyone these days lol
cutiepie343 7
34 - That's disturbing, but strangely sweet in a way... :)
Levvy 22
Blanking out my own comment here. What the heck? It jumped up to become a reply to some totally unrelated thread. I guess it wanted to go be its own man- er, comment.
CSRozell 4
I was gunna tell 22 the same lol and 118 agreed mine works fine but after getting a chance with a girl I've been after for many years I freaked and.... fml
deviable 9
Erectile dysfunction can happen to anyone. I guess you found that out the hard way. Sorry man, hope you can get medication for it.
memo619 0
Pretty sure there's nothing hard in this story :P
EwanSmith 2
he obviously never found out the hard
deviable 9
I challenge someone to make a pun based on my comment that doesn't use the "hard" part.
kaprookie 3
Hmmm.. Did a doctor diagnose this or could you just not get a stiffy and you are assuming the worst? It's possible that a) She didn't arouse you or b)Maybe you had a wank earlier in the day and there was no more fuel in the tank? But I would definitely go get checked out by a doctor OP.
timbo1992 0
I guess he found out the soft way?
ohSNAPyall 27
Come again?
Androidz 0
He couldn't come once.
RealChinese 7
There were a lot of Amish people but they couldn't raise the barn.
DynamicDave 11
Every1luvsboners doesn't love OP.
clumsychik 1
Well, nothing's gonna be happening for OP.
Honda288 2
"the hard way" haha sorry I had to call that one.
lerouxmaster 7
Obviously, nobody did before you.
DJDude_Arazely 10
hahahaha :D Good one. (<The reply)>(To the FML poster) -Your life does suck. Sorry about that man. That stinks. :/
EwanSmith 2
at least you made the effort. keep it up. oh wait a minute...
OriginalimoaN 15
Would be funnier if you didn't fail with that other comment. (stfu anyone who tries to say, "funnier isn't a word!"
Saltime 0
EwanSmith - 1. OriginalimoaN - 0.
IDontKnow10101 14
funnier isn't a word
Torva_fml 16
93- according to urban dictionary... It is a word... So shut up.
DocBastard 40
"Funnier" is definitely a word. "Funner" is not.
MrSchneebly 5
Thats really rough man im sorry, but im pretty sure its treatable. keep your peccker up
Magic_Mushroom 7
I use two rubber bands and a pencil
Torva_fml 16
Sounds like something a redneck would do....
VoteForTaco 8
How the **** can he deserve that? FYL
xiaoxaio 5
ikr? "YDI for not having a functioning penis?"
MedKits 9
Sorry about that, my hand had a seizure when I went to click on the FYL button.
Ladderwings 6
I guess OP found out the hard way... Or not. (pun very much intended).
whatz_going_on 24
Was the pun also intended to be terrible?
IndigoAcrylic 9
There is no such thing as a terrible pun...In my eyes xD I STILL LAUGHED AT THAT ;D Then again it dosn't take much to please my simple, happy mind xD
elmousey 5
If you've gone 5 years without any contact it was probably just nerves. Wake Mr. Happy up and try again.
EffinToofer 3
Thank you. One bad experience doesn't mean "full-on ED". Just try again later.
CADMAN82 1
I was thinking the same thing, considering his age he was probably just nervous. Did it work fine while jerking off over those 5 years? If yes then the problem lies in your head; not your little head.
HerpYourDerp 7
PREPARE FOR THE PUNS.
ohSNAPyall 27
*PENIS
Blacksabbath211 9
Lack of functioning of
spacemanspiff78 7
Tuck it between your legs and go tranny lezbo.
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
Agreed!
darkinners 6
I guess it's just a bit too nervous, as op didn't had contact to women this long time. no worries op but consult with doctor if you feel really needed.
BehindU 5
* I guess it's just a bit of nerves, as OP hasn't had contact with women for a long time. No worries OP but consult your doctor if you fell needed. * Sorry for being a grammar nazi I just couldn't help it.
KMtheDrummer 6
*if you feel it's needed.
Falassalond 16
You guys are Grammer Nazi assholes. In case you didn't notice, he's from hong kong. Leave him alone. Apparently you could read it so there was no need to correct it. OP, you shouldn't have been having sexual relations five years ago.