Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
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Comments (104)
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
kdgsmiley 23
Especially to people twice your size.
Stazza11 27
Well obviously he doesn't have sense of humour, it was simply a friendly joke that resulted, sadly, in him over reacting.
Bano360 25
It was clearly a joke. Some people take everything too seriously these days.
junkman6 22
Isn't this something we all learned in high school? If you're gonna make fun of someone you barely know you better be able to A) outrun them B) whoop them. That and we all know roids are as common as protein shakes in bodybuilding, not really a good group of people to be making fun of.
pressingreset 13
friendly jokes are between friends. wise ass remarks on the internet are from dick trolls who make the internet more annoying
ExiledRemixx 13
Don't judge a book by its cover. He may be big but he can be a total wuss and can't fight. Iv met people 3 times bigger then me and I can whoop them.
Octwo 16
Roid rage is my guess.
TheCanucklehead 22
58 - Did you actually whoop them, or is this just an attempt to toughen yourself up on the Internet?
Shrouds 14
I know that after I'm done at the gym I don't have enough oxygen in my brain to understand jokes. I'd want to kill you too.
HanBroman 20
pfft that guy needs to lower his ego. who would wanna be that big anyway? compensating much. I hate gym douchebags.
junkman6 22
Is rather be over muscled than fat or twiggy. Don't hate on people who want their body to look a certain way, and take the time and effort to make it that way. You're the douchebag here.
Dswank620 18
@78- "Gym douchebags"? what makes somebody a douchebag for wanting to look good, I started working out because I was tired of being so scrawny and I wasnt comfortable with who I was, dont judge a book by its cover
15Erik 21
He probably does static workouts, just make sure you're good at cardio and can climb.
Opinion_ 9
He is upset you discovered his secret.
russfml 31
His secret he released publicly without even noticing haha. Stereotypical gym idiot 101
ThomasBombadil 31
Exactly what I thought. Didn't Shakespear say something about protesting too loudly?
jerryj 27
And now he's even more furious that you posted it here, mocking him.
Opinion_ 9
What you said before you edited was much better.
jerryj 27
Thanks for your opinion ;) #11. Will think again from now on before editing my posts. Cheers!
nick347b 6
What did you say?
jerryj 27
"Maybe it's time to hide behind the invisible walls of the internet."
Z3R0G5 23
I like your original comment more #3 xD
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
JRSOne 5
That's not a keyboard warrior, IMO.
Bano360 25
Autoerotic asphyxiation isn't something I'd consider an insult. Obviously the bodybuilder is insecure.
Jellybellybeanz 22
Yup, you're screwed
Matrixuniverses 13
bodybuilder might have forgot leg day
Dawnstempest 17
Then he'ill just topple over like an upside down bowling pin if he tries to run anywhere. If he did, I think you're safe OP.
cnygard95 12
Next time don't talk so smart :P
SgrA 18
If there is a next time...
xivoricbutterfly 25
Hopefully the bodybuilder doesn't know where op lives. Lock your doors and chain your windows just in case.
OhWhoCares 42
As if a few measly locks and chains are gonna keep out a 250 pound steroid abusing bodybuilder who's into autoerotic asphyxiation, 23. YDI, OP. :)
sacrosanct2 23
7/10 would have a beer with you
gshocker20 21
10/10 gave this a thumbs up because of your profile picture.
DatPiggahDoe 10
The profile is a man. See the blue around the picture.
nmw404 6
Guess you'll get to see if you enjoy it yourself. Be sure to post it for comment!
Cocoapelli 23
Sounds like a -pressing- matter, but I'm sure you'll -work it out- before he crushes you.
little_aliceee 17
Some people are all bark and no bite. You and maybe him are great examples. Be smarter next time