Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Mr.Krabs?
EffinToofer 3
I think people who bad grammar is are face.
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Comments (141)
lovealwaysx 0
Never trust self tanners.
BarDownDaily 12
I think that people who get unnatural tans and to self conscious.
EffinToofer 3
I think people who bad grammar is are face.
kjcookie10 9
You should already know that OP... Jersey Shore isn't for just pure entertainment...
Damn_Hippster 11
Rock lobster!
Hunthas 17
Interesting fact, lobsters can be blue green or purple before cooked. But not red. NOT RED.
freakinglaugher 10
Now she can Zoidburg. Whoop Whoop Whoop.
eyeIoveyou 4
you could have been a friendly ghost like Casper :'(
IAMYOURPINEAPPLE 9
15- oo (V)uuuu(V)
icefshng8 9
14. You fail. Not true. They can be any of those colors, but they can also be red. I work at a petshop and sell them. Interesting fact : you should not state untrue interesting facts.
EvilPotato 15
1 they're even eviler than potatoes.
Renesaga 8
43, that advice is useless. Clearly, it was an untrue, uninteresting fact.
icefshng8 9
I've heard it said before. It is a common myth just like that chameleons can change any color almost instantly to match their environnement. It's rubbish.
Vikkichikkii 2
I just banged someone I met on hoookupstonight.gu.ma
GovernorGeneral 8
Im not educated about tans so forgive me for asking but do tans like that go away?
MizzErikaHart 8
Nope, op is stuck like that forever.
blair_x 12
98: You can always scrub the self-tanner out/exfoliate, preferably with a loofah. It fades if you don't reapply it after a week or so, anyway.
GovernorGeneral 8
108 says it never goes away, 135 says otherwise o_o Who to believe!? Dx
salvorican 24
Don't worry. Everyone's eyes will still be on you ;D
boofgall 16
And your lobster legs. :P
007bawss 0
Sexy and I know it ;)
lebronesque73091 12
#2 you're cute
Xquisite1 28
Mr.Krabs?
monkeysareyummy 0
This FML made me hungry for Red Lobster...
ImSoSloth 0
How about a krabby patty?
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Well, if we are staying with the Spongebob theme it would be Larry the lobster. But, then again I also have to admit that Mr. Krabs is way cooler.
freakinglaugher 10
Larry the lobster is a D-Bag.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Jersey Shore?
cathyfang1533 12
Larry the Lobster from Bikini Bottom...
StephenJameson 2
Tried this one several years ago. I have red hair and ecema on my hands. My hands are now permanently orange. I just stick to traditional tanning now
MissMae93 23
How is that even possible? Your body naturally exfoliates itself on a regular basis and self-tanning lotions or sprays are only capable of sitting on the top layer of skin, therefore any bronzer in the lotion or spray would have been gone years ago.
traviemojo 0
Your a ginger why are you trying to tan yourself?
ProhibitionRose 14
Seriously! Gingers look better pale and freckled, IMO.
Pentium_4 27
ydi for being afraid to be yourself. but i have to admit that does suck :/
emilyjgraham 34
maybe op isn't afraid of being her self, maybe it's a confidence issue which is not the same. there'll be days when a girl (some), couldn't give a crap if she looks like the back end of a horse but there'll be others where we need to put on make up or hair products or tanning products to make us feel like we're happy with the way we look. editing ones appearance does not mean they're afraid.
cradle6 13
You're doing it wrong
awagh666 14
Wow, aren't you the smart one...???
cradle6 13
Well you're right, but still, my comment wasn't even close to as intelligent as your thoughtful response.
Pentium_4 27
yeah but cradle6 is a pretty cool guy
astro16 0
He's cute too ;)
rockyraccoon28 8
you're cute too, astro16. that diagonal slash across your blank face really accentuates your beauty!
Pentium_4 27
damn, i didn't get complimented. my ego is dead
raraisbang 12
Hey now, maybe the diagonal slash is trendy where astro comes from. Or maybe, she's just highly unattractive :-D
idiothater1 4
With a head like that 85, what did you expect..
SoSickWithIt 14
^ LOL. That ****** his day up. I know it did.
imustbeinsane 2
85- Good thing I never have that problem, people love Pepsi
GlitteryMasakali 1
I think pentium_4 is cute and he seems very sweet also :):):)
laxbro182 1
YDI for doing things the jersey shore cast does!
cradle6 13
Good logic! Don't do anything the Jersey Shore Cast does, including but not limited to eating, sleeping, breathing, living, etc
myoukei 31
128, what are you talking about? those things on that show are not human: I'm convinced that they are some sort of robot programed to brainwash the masses by acting stupid.... >_>
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Self tanners are a joke. Either embrace your milky whiteness, or tan under the sun. Fake tans neither look good, nor help your production of vitamin D.
icefshng8 9
Thank you for the incomprehensible, unstructured, run-on sentence.
thisisafunnyname 12
In health class, we wathed a movie on skin care and skin cancer that said self tanners are actually better for your skin. It said that tanning outside would be more dangerous(because of skin cancer) than helpful(for vitamin d).
MissMae93 23
Educate yourself first before saying indoor tanning does not produce vitamin D3. In fact, it does. Depending on the solar reading and time spent within the bed, you can get the same amount of vitamin D3 as you would from a pill from the pharmacy, if not more. Plus pills are water-soluable therefore often times just washed out when you go to the bathroom. Vitamin D3 made from the UV rays can be stored within the liver so that if an infection occurs in the body, it has a back up supply. Lesson for the day.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
69, Who are you talking to? You are correct, but I don't see where anyone said that indoor tanning does not produce vitamin D. If your reply was to me, you would see that I was referring to self tanners (lotions / sprays).
kphippie 0
Actually people with depression sometimes go fake tanning in a tanning bed bc it helps the persons skin absorb the rays from the bulbs.
MissMae93 23
79 - I was under the impression the "fake tanning" you were referring to was indoor bed tanning, since it's a given that a lotion or spray definitely cannot provide you with any vitamins. Disregard my comment in that case
cradle6 13
Vitamin D is incredibly important and most people are woefully deficient. Remember that humans have survived with the sun for millions of years. It's not the plague. It's the people who put on baby oil before tanning, or try a variety of stupid things that give the sun a bad rap. I personally don't recommend indoor tanning because some of the beds are pretty dangerous (and some are much better, it depends on the type).
MissMae93 23
123 - Indoor tanning is perfectly safe as long as you know the tanning consultants (person at the desk operating the beds and making recommendations) is certified. All consultants at my workplace are fully licenced and have passed the Smart Tan examination.
alexh15 13
Don't do this shit for yourself. Get a professional! Or just stick with the ghost white legs...
WhiteCivilRights 2
Girls who like to tan are just making themselves uglier.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Not really, but it can get to the point where it's disgusting.
MissMae93 23
Uh, no.
MissMae93 23
Yes people, keep thumbing me down, I'm just a tanning consultant who sees hundreds of women who tan every day I work. What would I know about people looking nice with tans?
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
And I'm Hispanic and actually tan, have never tanned in my life but people who fake tan look extremely ugly, they should just tan using the sun.
MissMae93 23
121 - So, I'm ugly? I beg to differ.
sniperkit 10
127- I'm so pale that I stand next to snowmen and they look like black guys. I agree with the original statement, and I embrace my whiteness. Fake. Tans. Are. Ugly. Not to mention unnatural. If I wanted darker skin I'd deal with it. Hint: Darken your hair a shade or two, or else you'll fit in with the likes of Snooki soon. C: Your hair is a bit too light for that tan to be natural, or good-looking for that matter.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
I never said that but yes you probably are ugly in real life and I shouldn't say anything because I live half an hour from Ottawa
MissMae93 23
129 - And you seem to be a bitch, which isn't flattering on anyone c: