Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a striptease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels but tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
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Top comments
phunk 0
Contrary to popular belief most tables aren't designed to hold a person's weight, that is unless it's a large banquet table from Ikea, in which case they probably shouldn't make lingerie in those sizes. For the world's sake.
Hannah_fml 0
He was excited all right
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Comments (80)
tifferneelee 0
you should lose weight
dirtygerbil08 1
Sounds sexy though! Props to you!
MoonTiger 4
Why, oh why in the name of mother of chaos would you climb to a fricking table?! Tables are for eating.. if you want to seduce him do it AFTER you are finished with dinner for crying out loud
17Master 0
Great plan, horrible execution. Get a sturdier table for the kinky stuff.
mark_my_words 0
tables are usually strong, the non plastic ones, anyway. if yours wasnt plastic, you are just too fat, apparently.
brkn_hearted 0
A for effort and a great idea, but bad implemenation... i hope you get a better table :)
Sock_fml 0
I'm gonna assume it's a strong table if it can support the meals you down everyday to get you to the weight bracket I'm also going to assume you're in. Wherever you get lingerie that fits should be wiped from the earth.
fireysaje 10
TIL you're a total asshole. For all you know it was just a really crappy table. **** you for assuming.
zumspdr08 2
1-866-jenny today! Lol
girlnamedkris 0
BWAAHAHAHAHA
bigotcretin 0
YDI fatty.