Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
Today, I got stuck in traffic and angrily honked at the car in front of me. Then I realized it was a hearse. FML
Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML
Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML
Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right in front of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML
Today, while driving to work, I stopped to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honked their horn, so I drove slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pulled into the car park and noticed the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML
Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with a finger and a "Fuck you!" It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML
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Top comments
heyhihello95 12
You can never win with those bumper stickers.
Micayla 12
And this is why I hate people.
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Comments (113)
heyhihello95 12
You can never win with those bumper stickers.
robotiick7 23
I have one that says honk if your horny lol
uhhSavage 22
-honk-
Enslaved 38
I have a bumper sticker that reads "If you can read this, you're too ******* close". But I prefer my "Bend over and I'll drive"
Freethaawave 19
Cheech & Chong always had the best one: "Gas, Grass or Ass - Nobody Rides Free"
sunflowerchild 10
The best one I've seen is "I'm only speeding because I have to shit"
lmngrl889 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I say FYL, and FHL because that's sad that she just didn't think about her bumper sticker. it's an old lady, she has an excuse. I feel kinda bad for her. am I the only one? =
Zimmington 21
96- Yes... Yes you are. Why have a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker but flick people off in traffic?
KushTreats 21
How to win: rear-end the bumper sticker
ShananaginsLOL 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And this is why I'm scared to got to church. :/
biggestfan23 11
Because of one person? Oh okay
Sir_drink_alot 20
Maybe the lady borrowed the car and didn't even know the sticker was there, all maybe it is her car and a friend put the sticker on as a joke
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm not a church going person myself, but most churches are filled with really nice people. There are some loonies who use scare tactics to persuade you into letting Jesus into your life. I don't like the closed mindedness affiliated with churches, though that's not the way everyone is.
nnnope 26
says the girl who enjoys flipping people off.
skyttlz 32
I'm pretty involved in my church but I'm always realistic and not the kind of person that prays for everything.
ShananaginsLOL 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Interesting how you guys took my comment so seriously, Damn.
rockaroths 15
@82 if you were just joking, it's kind of hard to tell a sarcastic tone just by reading something.
AestheticGuy 21
OP you deserve for being tacky and lame enough to actually honk to proclaim your love for some religious figure. You sound like a real life version of Ned Flanders. ugh
Micayla 12
And this is why I hate people.
persianninja 23
Especially those who do stupid stuff like that
Mr_Satan 11
Sorry man, I tried telling him it was a bad idea.... ....but he really doesn't like it when someone disagrees with him.
MsConfusedd 27
That's the dumbest bumper sticker ever
SpamPam 18
I almost wonder if someone put it there without her knowing or something lol
Schizomaniac 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why is it the dumbest bumper sticker in the world? Because it praises His Holy name? Sickening that we live in a world that idolizes pornography and rock'n'roll, but as soon as someone speaks up for Jesus, he/she is persecuted and mocked. Just as the Holy Book predicted. I just pray that on Judgement Day God takes mercy on your souls. Accept The Lord Our God into your hearts before the time comes...
lulubelles 33
Oh calm down Westboro. It's dumb because most people honk at you when you've done something wrong, like cut them up. To ask them to honk for a good reason too is just asking for confusion.
Freethaawave 19
44 - why are you on FML if you only comment saying how everyone but you is ******.... Seriously, if you're so religious, shouldn't you practise what you preach and stop judging everyone?
morganrules123 10
Don't worry about 44. He trolls every fml mentioning religion.
Schizomaniac 24
Cut them up? Was that a subtle threat? Quite frankly, I grow tired of the religious persecution that goes on on this site, so I'm giving you all a piece of my mind. That person obviously meant that it was the dumbest bumper sticker ever because it praised the Almighty God, Jesus of Nazareth. Don't defend her heathen slander.
Schizomaniac 24
48- I'm not judging anyone. I am merely attempting to shine the Light of The Lord upon a population who so readily defies Him. Aren't you judging me by telling me what I should and should not be doing as a Christian?
KBurns207 17
I love once someone writes a comment like this all the extremists see it as an excuse to preach their beliefs to everyone. Calm down #44 Seriously. You just sound ignorant. And I don't throw my beliefs in your face. Don't do it to the rest of us.
mpsteve137 15
I'm kinda with schizomaniac here. I won't go on and on about religion and all that but I think it's an awesome bumper sticker! (honks)
Schizomaniac 24
Shut up, Noor. I'm preaching here.
EverdreamOfMe 24
There is nothing wrong with pornography and rock'n'roll.
Ian7890 23
you're preaching about God when you cuss on your profile...
texashater75 16
#50 - You might want to stop giving people a piece of you mind. It doesn't should like you have too much left to give.
kewpiesuicide 29
LOL! Jesus commented on this! Epic!
whoracle_fml 12
I honestly probably would have done the same thing. I tend to be forgetful. Maybe she is too
ChenEighty 20
If you honked at bumper stickers like that a lot, I'd HATE driving near you.
Ty_Peer 4
The problem is with the people actually sticking these stupid bumper stickers, not the people honking.
ChenEighty 20
I feel like it's an axis of stupid between the two. And the dumbasses that make those kinds of stickers.
CoGhostRider 31
People shouldn't put those stickers if they don't want to be honked at
eyepuppy 31
I blame both people. Why honk at a stupid sticker and why put one on there in the first place.
skyttlz 32
I would never put one on my car. It would be easy to think someone was honking at it and they were actually warning me of something and vice versa.
olpally 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Should have just rear ended her at that point then drove off, grand theft auto style! :D haha. What a bitch.
lemon_phat 11
Yeah, I like the idea of jail time too.
olpally 33
Clearly joking, Jesus.
mmizbbz210 13
What is it with everyone now-a-days. Can't take a joke...
chelseaaababyyy 17
20 - As long as you find a star to take your wanted level down you're good.
Just_STFU_Please 13
She probably just forgot.
Trigabyte 8
Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes... The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Grandma
edvin_fml 10
perfectly executed.
andits 21
Lol way to be an old religious lady. Sounds like my grandma. I wouldn't have expected anything else from the bitch