Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML
Today, my wife reported our neighbor for leaving her son home alone while she works during the day. Her son is 13 years-old. I am so completely embarrassed and my wife keeps justifying what she did. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML
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Top comments
TBelle4Ever 15
Would his brother happen to be Charlie Sheen?
THEKAISER 4
Don't worry, I doubt a seven year old will like the taste of alcohol
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Comments (84)
schurm82 4
Sounds like a good uncle
pittyfinny 4
Don't panic when you lose the key, atleast someone will be able to open it
ebonyirony 29
I don't think anyone would call their uncle "papa"
15949058 4
Seven year old? WTF is wrong with your brother-in-law?!
Snackycake 20
I want to assume your being sarcastic, if your not though then that's kind of messed up.
skokob 7
It's a life skill unread to know
mario2012 18
Nothing wrong with a little booze now and then.
mattorama 15
YDI for marrying into such a family of winners.
Needafarm 22
Well OP, it sounds like your STUPID husband is going to try to get you to let the lousy brother in law babysit again for a free sitter. My suggestion for next time......."NANNY CAM." This way you can show the STUPID hubby what else his no good brother is up to. Good luck!
CarouselHeart 11
I guess he's the favourite uncle. XD