Miscellaneous: Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 42

13/08/2009 16:07

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 404

You deserved it 64 890

And today, on Dr Phil…

Mama's boy

Chill out, dad

Don't look back

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 16/07/2021 20:01

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 625

18/05/2016 13:46

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 062

You deserved it 1 249

23/10/2012 22:00

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 4 808

07/09/2013 16:59

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 789

You deserved it 3 813

26/07/2010 00:07

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 3 509

05/01/2014 01:08

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 108

You deserved it 6 983

11/08/2010 04:09

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 876

You deserved it 5 537

08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 021

You deserved it 381

14/12/2016 23:22

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 876

01/02/2011 02:39

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 506

You deserved it 7 166

29/08/2016 12:46

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 360

You deserved it 931

07/03/2013 11:51

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 526

You deserved it 43 657

21/05/2010 00:54

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 556

You deserved it 5 223

27/08/2014 21:21

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 490

You deserved it 3 202

21/06/2009 16:20

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 801

You deserved it 35 484

Car Wars

By no car - 04/08/2020 17:04

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 357

24/01/2011 20:38

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 517

You deserved it 4 324

19/10/2010 04:30

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 070

You deserved it 3 793

25/07/2009 11:30

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 88 304

10/07/2015 16:57

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 261

You deserved it 3 247

10/08/2012 22:44

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 461

You deserved it 3 066

Little bundles of joy

By SD. - 15/05/2021 16:06

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 132

04/11/2014 18:30

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 7 000

21/01/2012 01:21

Spicy

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 393

You deserved it 2 303

07/09/2014 07:01

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 936

You deserved it 5 325

02/08/2009 04:04

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 863

You deserved it 3 277

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 794

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 265

26/10/2011 23:44

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 450

You deserved it 5 867

28/10/2015 15:09

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 3 109

Check this

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 103

26/02/2010 09:09

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 806

You deserved it 7 009

08/04/2016 18:11

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 077

You deserved it 1 359

02/08/2009 03:41

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 919

You deserved it 13 897

19/11/2011 11:42

Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 057

You deserved it 46 447

29/06/2011 00:51

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 414

You deserved it 14 013

26/12/2008 06:32

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 433

You deserved it 18 853

Blood is thicker…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 13:57

Spicy

Today, it's been a dozen years since I had sex, as my husband is mentally dealing with molestation as a kid by his uncle. Meanwhile, his mother is on vacation with the molester. Yes, she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 79

13/11/2015 18:07

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 2 574

29/05/2009 03:41

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 198

You deserved it 48 049

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Top comments

MercedesJames 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:04

Not that bad but at least ur clean! and how do u not notice? Its a way different consistency and then actual body lotion.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:18

YDI for swiping your mother's gift. You selfish child.

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MercedesJames 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:04

Not that bad but at least ur clean! and how do u not notice? Its a way different consistency and then actual body lotion.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:21

sometimes they are the same consistency.

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Friday 14 August 2009 16:45

My mother has a body wash that looks exactly like lotion, so I can see where it might have been confusing. But, YDI for not even asking. Plus, you should have told people you have skin-rabies or something and then started growling at them. =)

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Saturday 15 August 2009 20:57

OP shoulda been like "I'm melting! I'm melting!"

I_ate_pikachu 0

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Tuesday 18 August 2009 5:45

LOL Nice one #105

klumzy0123456789 6

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Friday 28 May 2010 6:16

should have asked,lol

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:05

I don't see why this is such a big deal. It's embarrassing, but not FML worthy.

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Friday 14 August 2009 5:43

#3- I totally agree. Why is this FYL? It's only minorly funny anyway.

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Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:17

I found it quite hilarious. :< Picture you standing there, glance over, and see a girl with bubbles coming from her skin. lol

thebigtwinkie 28

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Thursday 4 September 2014 11:18

That is pretty embarassing, and it made me and a lot of people laugh so that means it's FML worthy!

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:07

#1 they're really similar, dumbass but she deserves it for using it without asking to

giganticbrain 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:10

What an ass move. You sort of deserved that one.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:12

You sort of deserved it, but that's really funny. Good thing you didn't grab some preparation H thinking it was toothpaste.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:13

How did you not know that body wash was lotion? They can look the same all they want but they feel different. YDI

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Friday 14 August 2009 5:28

This is why you ALWAYS ask permission before using someone else's stuff... This may sound weird... but I'd totally do that on purpose, YLR!

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Friday 14 August 2009 5:56

Pardon my ignorance, but um... "YLR"? I can't figure out the acronym. :/

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Saturday 15 August 2009 4:12

Sorry, I meant something along the lines of Your Life Rocks, but failed miserably. And sorry, I didn't mean to reply to your post...

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Tuesday 18 August 2009 8:31

Ohhh, ok. Gotcha!

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Sunday 10 July 2016 10:48

It's not about taking someone else's gift, it's about not reading the bottle label.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:18

HAHAHAHAHHAHAH. Wow, that must've been funny.

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Friday 14 August 2009 2:15

you're a total moron

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Friday 14 August 2009 11:15

wow you're a dick and a hypocrite

partialsun365 0

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Friday 14 August 2009 23:33

haha i'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic guys.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:18

YDI for swiping your mother's gift. You selfish child.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:18

Read before you act?