Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Pelreskovich 11
That's a good thing isn't it? He was happy you made him something he enjoys. Food always gets to us men.
perdix 31
He's protecting you from murderers, yet you are trying to kill him from the inside. Ingrate!
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Comments (156)
L33ch 4
He's "supposed to protect you"? Well not to worry, the kitchen's a pretty safe place and you're not supposed to leave it.
Cinn_fml 23
Yeah, kitchens are really safe places. Just because there's less of a chance of a dangerous person, doesn't make it safe per se.
taytaysauce 0
French fries . Ftw m/
Egao_fml 8
...What's the link between murderers and fries?
CallMeBloo 31
Apparently this chick.
snafu63 0
If I had known that was part of the deal I would have broken up with my girlfriend a long time ago.
keshaforever1 14
Really?This is why woman are considered the weaker sex,because we expect our boyfriends to protect us at all times.
sparklecherry 4
Maybe you should cook more often. Geez.
nabila21 0
I would've been pretty excited too.
brooks10101 1
Ill take his place ill protect you make you safe Ake shure you never leave the house wear what i tell you **** when i say so and cook what i want and yell at you all the time to asert poroper domanence sound better? So your dating a fag deal with it or move on bitch.
InUrArea 4
Yeah drugs will do that to you
bernie81000 10
Maybe the French fries were BOMB.