Health: What's that?

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 358

You deserved it 78 406

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Same thing different taste

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 05:00

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 042

You deserved it 1 985

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 369

You deserved it 567

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 822

You deserved it 2 977

By hickhick - 07/07/2019 04:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 1 715

By man-period? - 02/03/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 1 626

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 298

Get it off me!

By Katieeee - 04/11/2023 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 22 034

By anonymous - 03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 868

You deserved it 5 049

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 443

breakthesky 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:19

...I'm not going to ask.

shortgurlsaywahh 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:19

wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?

Comments

darkmis1 17

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:37

I don't even wanna no........

lexilovesyou 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:41

LMFAO

Nacirema20 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:48

Ew...! you weird freak! YDI.

iKaite 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:51

But..... WHY OH WHY OH WHY!?!?!

_Noon_ 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:54

I second #8. And #10: WIN :D

Swagga_man_386 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:57

YDI. Your supposed to use your hands and lotion, not a snapple bottle. Haven't you learned anything from the movie "I Love You Man"?

sandrasavage 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 18:17

WIN. XD

omgitsseejay 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:57

Eww, I would've went with kool aid first, then worked my way up

skullbuster 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 16:59

OP, you deserve all of the ridicule that is going to be dished out here for not qualifying the reason for the Snapple bottle... There are 3 possible scenarios here: 1. Some guys, when they are in the car and have to take a piss, will grab an empty bottle and drain the vein so you don't have to pull over/pee on the side of the road. This is the least skeevy of the possibilities believe it or not. 2. You were masturbating with the bottle and got a raging stiffy that you couldn't easily pull out of the bottle. There are alot of these cases in the ER, mostly with teens and shampoo bottles (WAKE UP KIDS, IT DOESNT JUST GET LONGER IT GETS THICKER TOO!) Really, your better off with your hand and some lube. 3. You were drunk/high and lost a bet to some douchebag friends. Dude, this is the worst. All I can say is don't bend over for the soap if you are ever in the locker room shower with these friends of yours. Anway, my bullshit-o-meter was going off on one thing here and that was the "Snapple" bottle. I notice you picked something that has one of the bigger openings. Fess up here tiny, it was a Coke, right?