What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
I agree, your life sucks 11 346
You deserved it 78 356

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Top comments

...I'm not going to ask.

wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?



fyourlife33 0

the biggest problem is you were having a check-up on your dick with a dermatologist, what the hell used to be wrong with it? std problems?

snapple... made from the best stuff on earth!!! I guess it just got better???

Young_Sparta 0

how do you sound so mean 119(not in the comment, on profile) well anyways...YDI even though most guys probably have had their curiosity moments

Luv4pink1721 0

What does YDI mean lol I cant figure it out for the life of me?

Bucinka 5

Ignorant comment. Ever been to a dermatologist? Their job is caring for SKIN. All over the body. (And nails, as it happens) Do you really think melanoma cares where it shows up?

Bucinka 5

You deserve it.

You deserved it.

brvfan25 5


fatham 0

you dumb idiot...

karafrickenmona 0

YDI = you deserve(d) it

You possibly have made the greatest response ever. I kinda want a snapple now.

you deserved it... sheesh

You deserve it

...I'm not going to ask.

m0tl3ycru3 0

It's self explanatory

wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?

snapple bottles are quite big :/

AndelleRae 9

Have you ever seen someone suction a cup or a glass or anything around their mouth? It's the same basic principle. The bottle is air tight. As he's going to town on it, his penis is going to swell a bit, and the thrusting and whatnot will cause suction. Women back in the day had problems like this too because they used glass coke bottles to ********** with. They'd usually have to go to the emergency room and get them removed because it involved the shattering of the bottle. Scary stuff. OP: Next time, just spring for one of those "pocket pussy" things you can get at sex toy shops.

americayay 0

OW! WHAT THE FUCK!? why would you share that awful coke bottle story? anyways, this is one of my favorites in a long time.

The size of the snapple bottle aside, I think you posted the wrong fml. It shoud have begun, "Today I got my penis stuck in a snapple bottle. Guess how... FML" or something like that...

CJ090 0

Um yea 4 the little dick community it is I deff can't fit in no snapple bottle (not 2 sound cocky no pun intended)

It's called a fleshlight, don't ask. And, OP, the opening of a Snapple bottle may seem big for a juice bottle, but it actually isn't fit for an erection.

blondiee09 0

#70 : it's true, I laughed more at yours than the origanal. LMAO

shattered bottles.. that made me cringe.

I wouldn't have told her so much details I think...

sexymessy 0

I TOTALLY agree! LMAO. This is pretty funny.

You coulda just said it was a bruise... Didn't have to say how you got it, and if the doc asked, just say rough sex or something!!! Sorry, to hear about your unfortunate event!!!

sameer672 0

a snapple bottle?? LMAO

ohheyliza 0

This just made me want snapple

Anyone else immediately think of Seinfeld where Elaine always walks into Jerry's house and offers him a bottle of Snapple?

.....**** man

ilovejooo 0

YDI for putting your penis in the snapple bottle in the first place.

lolzforfun228 3

he might have been taking a piss on the road :D

you have to stick your penis IN the bottle to piss in it?

Yeah, I call bullshit

NDnation44 0

Why do you call bullshit? You know you've tried to stick it in something like that when you were younger.


Couldn't you have just lied? Or at least said, "Oh, it's just a bruise, nothing to worry about." I think they would respect you not wanting to explain it in detail.

BikerMike 0

ROTFLMAO. the only thing funnier would be your dick getting stuck in the bottle.

Damn, this makes me want to have sex with you just so you dont have to resort to that. I feel sorry for you babe:( Go find a hooker, lol

... or an easy female online who will have sex with you out of pity. God that's creepy. Anyway YDI, and #9 is right, you could've been a bit more vague than that, and spared both you and them the awkwardness.

Today, a girl replied to my FML saying that she feels bad that I had to stick my penis into a snapple bottle, so she would want to have sex with me. FML.