Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML
Today, I realized my mom was right. I should have listened to her and not gotten a pet alligator. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML
Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML
Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML
Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again… FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
She obviously hasn't been exposing them to enough radioactive waste!
Pleonasm 35
Yea, I found out the other day that I am infertile. I bought a pet chimpanzee and raised him and everything, and WTF? He isn't turning into a human?? Like how is this possible? I though people came from apes? Anyway this isn't Grow Your Own T-Rex. I bet the salesman just told her that iguanas turned into Dinosaurs to seal the deal on that 500 metre squared terrarium that the shop couldn't get rid of.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
if only life worked that way...
Relenaz 9
Wow....just wow.
yeti37 16
No indication that OP is from 'Murica. Maybe it's YOU that suffers from poor, foreign education. Everyone knows da US is the center of the world.
dmoz 7
Americans really don't understand Evolution, do they?!?
frdmnky12 6
So, you assume it's an from America despite there being no location on the post, and America covers two ******* continents. What you meant to say was US, and even then your still an ignorant asshole.
EvilUndead 9
English is an international language and bilingual people aren't that uncommon, so she could be from anywhere. Britain, Germany, Italy, France, USA, Russia, India, Australia, Czech, Argentina, Brazil, etc. + severl dozens of countries I forgot about.
reflexion213 11
Idiot!
cartedor 18
Wow. I mean just WOW.
rhaemese 9
70, I am VERY worries here...
babeababe 16
Was she high? Or drunk? Lol
MetalOcelot 5
HAHAHA holy shit! I want what she's smoking!
juwood 7
Hahaha hahaha haha haha ohh my *******..god!
TheyCallMeDamien 17
You should dump her because she just flunked the IQ test.