Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML
Today, I realized my mom was right. I should have listened to her and not gotten a pet alligator. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML
Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML
Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML
Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again… FML
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Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
She obviously hasn't been exposing them to enough radioactive waste!
Pleonasm 35
Yea, I found out the other day that I am infertile. I bought a pet chimpanzee and raised him and everything, and WTF? He isn't turning into a human?? Like how is this possible? I though people came from apes? Anyway this isn't Grow Your Own T-Rex. I bet the salesman just told her that iguanas turned into Dinosaurs to seal the deal on that 500 metre squared terrarium that the shop couldn't get rid of.
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Comments (128)
buckdharma 37
If you want to cheer her up, get her some Sea Monkeys. They're monkeys of the sea that look like a Dr. Seuss creation. They tell jokes and do plays, even musicals! And what do you have to do to have all this fun? Just add water.
ShawnaMariie 5
Reminds me of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". She's either acting crazy so you'll break up with her or.. She has gone mental. Either way, sucks for you!
Malicteal 21
I hope she's good looking or at least has big boobs, because she's obviously an idiot.
Sheepboy 12
I said you deserve it for dating an idiot, although if she is incredibly hot, then it's probably just the price you have to pay!
Hellbound_Alleee 14
Clearly you didn't choose to date her for her intellect. Why are you so upset about it now? Maybe it's time to play Henry Higgins. I can't guarantee you won't get dumped for it, but you could try.
DanielleinDC 33
Did she go to a school that taught intelligent design by any chance?
vbmg152 18
You must have already known she wasn't the brightest bulb in the box so, YDI! Try going for intelligence next time! Beauty fades, dumb is forever. Think about it! Do you wanna someday have kids with this moron??
EvilUndead 9
Aside from beauty and intelligence, there's also character. Unfortunately, people seem to forget that. Do you want a gorgeous and intelligent girlfriend that is total bitch? Or do you want a psycho girlfriend? Gold-digger girlfriend? Manipulative girlfriend? Abusive girlfriend? Pretty and intelligent people can be evil/abusive/jerks, you know... Besides, intelligence is overrated. Smarter people tend to be unhappy. If he's enjoying his life with his girlfriend, it shouldn't matter if she isn't female version of einstein...
ideasrule 13
It's definitely not true that smarter people are less happy. I don't know where you got that from, but it contradicts both common sense and experimental evidence. Google "high IQ happiness" and follow any of the first 5 links. I'd post a link here, but I'm not allowed to.
EvilUndead 9
104: 1. IQ is not "intelligence". 2. Higher IQ is also linked to self-destructive behavior. 3. "smart people are unhappy" does not contradict common sense. World is unjust and in most situations you can't do anything about it, plus everybody will die in the end. People that aren't that smart don't worry about that or are not even aware of that. 4. Intellect won't help you in a country where it isn't really appreciated.
ideasrule 13
Again, you say this without providing a shred of evidence, whereas I provided 5 references to support my point. If you can point to a scientific study that supports any of your points, I'll take you seriously.
reflexion213 11
Ignorance is bliss is not a definitive excuse for being an idiot.
reflexion213 11
Keep that argument in mind next time you decide on buying some new technology. Without intelligence and those people who sacrifice their peace of mind and happiness to ensure better socialization and integration of technology, we could all sit in our caves throwing our poop at each other for entertainment.
MandySkittles 18
Do you ever get tired of reminding this girl to breathe? Wow.. I hope this post is fake because that's one dumb girl you've got if it's not.
reflexion213 11
Sorry bro. Dumb is hard to fix.
onorexveritas 23
that radiooooo activityyyyyy