Intimacy: What a dick - FML

What a dick

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 687

You deserved it 5 159

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 580

You deserved it 47 168

You have the same voice!

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 513

You deserved it 24 054

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 546

You deserved it 12 432

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 36 234

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 006

You deserved it 1 820

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 5 695

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 157

You deserved it 3 425

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 410

You deserved it 1 837

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 110

You deserved it 1 448

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 241

You deserved it 7 246

Next

Top comments

damadrappa 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

Someones jealous

GuitarFail123 9

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....

Comments

cordelldena 1

Thursday 3 November 2011 21:13

Thats just awkward....

hiqhfives 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 21:26

Im sorry but thats ******* gross , not to mention rude !

NeverGiveUp97 6

Thursday 3 November 2011 21:40

That's a bit of an awkward situation...

rexreta 5

Thursday 3 November 2011 21:44

Oh... My... Goodness.....

gary8082 14

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:01

A win for Dad!

rjh0306 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:04

sexual harassment and pedophile. sounds like you should be careful

Bobissmall 13

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:36

It isn't either of them... You don't know that she is below the age of consent and talking to her in a suggestive way -once- isn't harassment...

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:12

Haha that's just a bit daring.

caity878 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:19

Im sorry but thats disgusting

MasterChief7494 3

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:30

I can't believe girls want to do that. People will find out and start calling them names every time. And plus the older guys are just doing it cuz they're either just starting to be cool enough for a girl to even think about having sex with them or they have a disease and they need to go to younger girls that don't really know them.

JLopez7 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:30

When I read the end, my reaction was "Uwwww the heck!"

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 271

You deserved it 14 939

Today, my wife has moved into the guest room and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I asked for a paternity test for our kids. She swears she’s never cheated, so what’s she so offended for? Women make no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 496

The Top

Today, my boss explicitly told me to demolish a half-built house that was 50 feet too far from where it should have been and was actually on someone else’s land. I knocked it down, then it turned out to be the wrong one, and my boss threw me under the bus and swore he’d told me to demolish the other house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 109

Today, I confronted my ex-employer about the money he owes me. He'd said he would pay me $3000. He asked me if I had it in writing. I said no. He said, “Well, too bad for you. No leg to stand on.” Then, in a cringey Indian accent, “Thank you, come again!” and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 102

Today, I fucked up by talking with a girl on Instagram, only for "her" to be a "him" and make me pay him $1000 so he wouldn't leak my private pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 664

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 034

You deserved it 5 927

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 509

You deserved it 1 585

Today, while chatting with my work friend, our work photographer walked in saying she needed two people for a photo for our company social media. My friend said OK, and without hesitation the photographer said, while side-eyeing me, “Great. I’ll go see who else might be free to be in the picture with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 108