By leftbehind - United States

See ya!

Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive, my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car, so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53591

You deserved it

2304

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

I don't want to do this anymore…

Medicare for all, please

By whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29919

You deserved it

4906

Favorite

By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27055

You deserved it

6576

Favorite

By Forgotten - United States

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47607

You deserved it

4058

Favorite

By amy1023 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36647

You deserved it

8172

Favorite

By VaveJessop

Torn

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1737

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27428

You deserved it

3057

Favorite

By kaitlyn is here - 27/4/2021 05:01

Cough it up

Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1114

You deserved it

224

Favorite

By Des

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1616

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By CatCreator

Making a Murderer

Today, my 8-year-old son eagerly showed me a PowerPoint he made. It consisted of REALLY graphic and gory descriptions of a guy getting murdered, complete with pictures from the internet. He was laughing the whole time he was showing me this, and even set one of the images as his desktop background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By EpicOracle - 13/2/2021 13:57

Praise the Lord!

Today, I woke up to my friends-with-benefits asking me why I didn't pray after waking up. We had an all nighter and I don't even know if that's something to be worried about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

735

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By shescomfortablynumb - United States

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65505

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By Andrew7847 - United States - Fort Worth

Bad hair day

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25071

You deserved it

4417

Favorite

By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5053

You deserved it

579

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62575

You deserved it

5103

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21347

You deserved it

81537

Favorite

By XxmegaronixX - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, my workplace often leaves out "expired" food from the café that our department coincides with, as it is wasteful to throw away perfectly fine cuisine. I soon discovered that the inside of a seemingly normal looking cupcake was actually filled with mold when I took a large mouthful of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13178

You deserved it

2927

Favorite

By LeftOut - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79469

You deserved it

4825

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10957

You deserved it

980

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32526

You deserved it

3748

Favorite

By Loki16 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8424

You deserved it

736

Favorite

By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31455

You deserved it

9300

Favorite

By bbbkingsey - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56757

You deserved it

4349

Favorite

Travel gift

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1184

You deserved it

2734

Favorite

By misc - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

551565

You deserved it

46763

Favorite

By Earths_Venus - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35196

You deserved it

3468

Favorite

By ihateseagulls - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28588

You deserved it

4097

Favorite

By shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8310

You deserved it

4555

Favorite

By dj163 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59849

You deserved it

3429

Favorite

By downer - United States

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40182

You deserved it

58570

Favorite

By fmcsl - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Customers from Hell

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1638

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By Elsine

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3206

You deserved it

228

Favorite

By BeatenUpPup - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46133

You deserved it

5777

Favorite

By YipYop - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23742

You deserved it

1909

Favorite

By highschoolnobody - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44459

You deserved it

2924

Favorite

By everyonewasstaring - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33414

You deserved it

4313

Favorite

By cerulean

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4344

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By DramaticSigh - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10577

You deserved it

35613

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14606

You deserved it

33398

Favorite

By Anonymous

Drunk dick

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By look how totally not racist I am! - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45987

You deserved it

3984

Favorite

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Top comments

By Dr_Phil | 0

#8812 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:00

My professional opinion leads me to believe your family doesn't love you.

By Stupoopy | 0

#8802 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:54

Just be like "Wait, so I'm off the hook? Thank God, now I can go party! Love you!"

COMMENTS

By Stupoopy | 0

#8802 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:54

Just be like "Wait, so I'm off the hook? Thank God, now I can go party! Love you!"

Turfin | 0

#1117749 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:06

loll

rllyfrickenbored | 17

#6335625 - Monday 29 June 2015 16:45

just what i was going to say! we think alike!

By Dr_Phil | 0

#8812 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:00

My professional opinion leads me to believe your family doesn't love you.

izzyisme42 | 0

#1065770 - Monday 5 July 2010 21:24

dear dr. phil, You win.

By lamarr | 0

#8817 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:04

LMAO dr phil

By greenman_fml | 0

#8825 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:13

as i close my eyes, i feel it all slipping away.

also, you are unloved

By Amkii | 0

#8831 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:17

Wow, that sucks. :( I'm sorry. But yeah, now you can at least have a crazy party!

By JustCallMeCloud | 0

#8837 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:20

Have your own vacation with everyone in the phone book at your house :D.

By yui567 | 0

#8885 - Friday 27 February 2009 23:03

Is this real?

By leannayourcool | 0

#8913 - Friday 27 February 2009 23:50

LOL @ #6.

By dammn | 0

#8914 - Friday 27 February 2009 23:52

shitt suckks .
ROFLROFLROFLROFL , #3

By MonkeySpeaks | 4

#8933 - Saturday 28 February 2009 0:26

Text Back: No problem. I'll be using your credit card to purchase a nice hotel room for the weekend for a few friends and myself. Hope your trip doesn't totally suck after I max out your card. FYL mom and dad