Intimacy: Twister

Twister

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 01:30

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 414

You deserved it 3 295

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Wax on, wax off

By Bllllaaaaaah - 24/09/2019 04:01 - United States - Juno

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 1 951

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 798

You deserved it 5 065

By Pierceew - 19/09/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 597

You deserved it 37 794

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 132

You deserved it 4 213

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 656

You deserved it 12 193

Really heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 131

By lissysue1 - 12/07/2012 19:23 - United States - Green Bay

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 885

You deserved it 4 905

By kblevss - 05/01/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 771

You deserved it 5 718

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 830

You deserved it 4 846

By lorrilanee - 20/11/2010 06:20 - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 183

You deserved it 5 083

hkhan24 23

Friday 4 September 2015 14:28

Was his name Willy?

mycrazyaddict1 4

Friday 4 September 2015 14:38

And some say chivalry is dead

Comments

americanafrican 32

Friday 4 September 2015 14:56

i hope you liked the taste of ear wax

Dave_Davington 33

Friday 4 September 2015 14:57

I'll bet that was delicious.

pleasedie 22

Friday 4 September 2015 15:01

Ugh this brought up memories of this girl who liked to lick inside of my ears.

RageWolf16 31

Friday 4 September 2015 15:02

...ew

datkenna 20

Friday 4 September 2015 15:11

Adult version of a wet willy

Xion0014 20

Friday 4 September 2015 15:12

Just take a bath?

jtsmommy 11

Friday 4 September 2015 15:16

Yuck. I never liked the licking of the inside of my ear, this makes me shudder.

liquidhydrogen 6

Friday 4 September 2015 15:30

I had an ex that liked licking my cheeks and nose... Ugh was such a nightmare

rainbowsRlove 15

Friday 4 September 2015 15:34

wow with a smooth move like that I'm sure thats not the only thing that got wet lol sorry op hope you got all that spit out your ear!

K3719er 9

Friday 4 September 2015 15:42

well, at least he didn't try rubbing your clit like he was trying to scrub out a carpet stain.

derangedplanet 23

Friday 4 September 2015 16:15

What even does this mean? I've now got the mental image of a guy with one hand scrubbing and the other just going to town. what?

Thatissarcastic 17

Saturday 5 September 2015 3:27

I feel like anyone that knows what this means would rather not explain, lol. Basically they are bad in bed.

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The Top

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 63

Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 68

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 197

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 325

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 723

You deserved it 4 586

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I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 1 978

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 7 965

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I agree, your life sucks 33 322

You deserved it 4 113