Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Twins - FML

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 4 846

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Same thing different taste

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 884

You deserved it 91 004

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 3 759

Thanks, I guess…

By leogs23 - 03/06/2021 06:01

Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 159

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 504

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 528

You deserved it 365

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 118

You deserved it 12 902

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 465

You deserved it 3 657

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 013

You deserved it 70 184

I'm coming!

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 868

You deserved it 4 479

By sn-511 - 01/03/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 016

You deserved it 5 989

Next

Top comments

SoCalKay 3

Monday 3 October 2011 8:52

Atleast Rufus isn't exactly small haha

4evaYong21 1

Monday 3 October 2011 8:50

Your life sucks.. Mainly because your penis looks like a naked mole rat. Hahaha

Comments

ashleyt89 2

Tuesday 4 October 2011 7:09

Kim possible !

xXkingmikeXx 5

Wednesday 5 October 2011 3:42

Tell her it's your attack mole rat

sectorleader 2

Wednesday 5 October 2011 4:54

That's what you get for referring to it as your "****".

MeLikeyWafffle 0

Wednesday 5 October 2011 5:48

Your name made me lol....

briaa23 4

Wednesday 5 October 2011 15:55

well um. i have no idea what to say except is she a little kid?

ohkellno 3

Thursday 6 October 2011 9:26

Dude, she's too young for you.

annagilbert 6

Thursday 6 October 2011 14:14

lmfao yes! the best fml! hahaahah

cloakedn007 1

Friday 7 October 2011 4:00

Tell her, come give Rufus a kiss

brekab8 14

Friday 7 October 2011 20:51

OMG thats so sad :(

DerekBlaskie 6

Saturday 8 October 2011 13:06

Hmmm i still can't decide wether or not I would want a girl to think my man-hood was... "cute" ^.^lol

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The Top

Today, we realized we had a problem with two appliances. Their manuals were in a high cabinet. My husband got down the one for the appliance he was working on, but left the one I needed up too high for me to reach. I got the step stool and said, "OK" as I climbed up. My husband flipped and yelled that I am "disrespectful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 73

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 496

You deserved it 74 251

The Top

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 174

You deserved it 16 607

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 247

You deserved it 589

Today, I found out that the man I've wanted to be with for the last year and a half also wants to be with me. Two weeks ago, I got a promotion! I'm also legally no longer allowed to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 583

You deserved it 309

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 711

You deserved it 4 014

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 788

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 172