Miscellaneous: Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze,...

By tarheels526 - 08/02/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 589

You deserved it 27 391

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Stop talking!

Hard no

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:19 - Brazil

Today, I was home alone and it started to rain. It hadn't rained in days so I went out on my balcony and ran around. I felt great until I realized that my door had been swung shut because of the wind, and it had no handle. I had to wait outside in the rain for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 004

You deserved it 27 905

By ohaifml - 04/09/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 2 810

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 82

By good_gravy - 20/02/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 158

You deserved it 3 618

By Scaryman - 21/02/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 215

You deserved it 4 150

By mishyb - 28/07/2013 04:28 - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 404

You deserved it 4 325

By Michael - 05/06/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 028

You deserved it 5 178

Nice, thanks

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 605

You deserved it 13 314

By tnt007 - 10/01/2010 21:46 - France

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 393

You deserved it 43 812

By Samantha - 29/03/2009 03:14 - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 058

You deserved it 21 793

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 3 097

By teeth - 10/08/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 358

You deserved it 2 818

Thanks, I hate it

By ken - 19/07/2011 07:40 - Canada

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 3 587

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 872

You deserved it 1 140

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 02:55 - Canada

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 830

You deserved it 61 236

By I need a new ballsack. - 16/09/2014 16:20 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 315

You deserved it 4 463

By taiannalynn5 - 02/03/2011 23:43

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 7 731

Sage advice

By jcc - 24/02/2009 08:31 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 511

You deserved it 5 543

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 135

You deserved it 4 911

By roar_shark - 11/07/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 213

You deserved it 30 073

By Embarrassed daughter.. - 01/02/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 013

You deserved it 6 911

By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 376

You deserved it 1 534

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 464

You deserved it 3 222

Earache

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 100

You deserved it 1 938

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 911

You deserved it 5 419

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 14 700

By Nick - 23/08/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 2 301

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 41 359

What was the point?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 02:00

Today, four years after my husband passed away, my mother in law thought it was the right time to tell me my husband was cheating on me, and that they had met her and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 88

By Milly - 23/05/2018 05:00

Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 806

You deserved it 183

By lalala - 22/12/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 7 946

By fmylifechelsea - 27/04/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 19 493

By Christmas sucks - 24/12/2012 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 4 724

By shira512 - 10/08/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 134

You deserved it 4 011

By ali grace - 14/05/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 333

You deserved it 17 871

By can't eat paper - 11/05/2014 01:34 - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 702

You deserved it 11 378

Ingredients check

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 117

By dancer_2014 - 28/05/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 158

You deserved it 16 281

By yggiz - 29/08/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 917

You deserved it 31 956

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Top comments

aatomkins 0

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Monday 6 April 2009 17:46

Ha well when I was semi pissed I went to the loo, pulled down my trousers and my phone went strait in the loo, and no it didn't work lol.

SpartanCEL 6

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Tuesday 11 June 2013 14:09

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

aatomkins 0

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Monday 6 April 2009 17:46

Ha well when I was semi pissed I went to the loo, pulled down my trousers and my phone went strait in the loo, and no it didn't work lol.

PoopNuggetLeader 4

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Monday 6 May 2013 16:31

The loo...

PaperxHearts_xox 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 3:03

How small was the alarm clock? Or rather, how big was the glass...?

jeniilouise 0

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Thursday 1 October 2009 1:03

it said it was an alarm phone so it could have been small enough i can totally sympathize as i always 'snooze' and then just throw my phone wherever :) its survived the washing machine though so a glass of water shouldn't be too damaging! give it a few weeks to dry... think of it like this, you could have dropped it in something worse, be thankful for that lol

monkey_boy984 0

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Tuesday 18 August 2009 11:03

WTF this isn't fml worthy

lilmissallie 0

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 15:54

aw"/

serioushamster 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 2:11

Mr Bean scene

alicethehatter 0

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Monday 2 May 2011 9:44

I call shennanagins. You would've heard a 'plop' if that happened, even in a drowsy state.

kblate1 0

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Wednesday 11 May 2011 6:50

Today, in band class, we were trying out professional models of our instruments. I play saxophone, so we transferred our own mouth-pieces for health's sake. When I had finished, I took off my mouth piece and put it back on my own sax. After 5 minutes, I realized I was playing the saxophone belonging to the gross guy next to me. FML