Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML
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Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I took my 6 year-old to work. A normally docile child, she chased me around with her toy - beating me with it while all my colleagues watched - not stopping despite me requesting her to. When she finally lost said toy, she threw a huge tantrum. Guess who's banned from my office. FML
Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML
Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML
Today, my stepson told his class that I beat his mommy. I did beat his mommy… in Pokémon. He left that detail out, and now his entire school is treating me like a monster. My wife thinks it's hilarious, and says it's her revenge for me winning. FML
Today, I finally had it with the redneck bully who's been tormenting me. He was repeatedly poking and pinching me and laughing out loud during class, so I slung him to the ground, pinning him. I got suspended. They only called his parents, who never do anything; my "caring" parents are looking into teen boot camp. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me, even though I moved into my own flat to escape her. I told her 'my flat, my rules' so she tried to confiscate my Xbox because 'she’s the boss of me.' The look on her face as the cops took her away was worth the shouting match we’ll have when she makes bail. FML
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Top comments
d4m4s74 12
This would have been de perfect opportunity for the HiV gag. After kicking the kid off, when the mother starts screaming say "your son just bit me, and I'm HiV positive, and walk away bleeding all over the floor
The_Water_Ninja 9
kids these days... you would think they knew this information
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Comments (166)
baseballdude1283 18
Little kids always win :(
alfred07 18
Any chance that security footage can absolve you?
perdix 29
#28, footage??? Did you really say "footage?" What a great way to describe video of the OP kicking a kid! I think this pun was unintentional, otherwise, the dreaded sunglasses would have been lowered.
azwethinkweiz87 11
Garchomp, use megaflare!!
DLT_fml 20
Garchomp wasnt listening. Instead, he used Mega Kick.
thatnucca 36
Kids that pressed have selective hearing... He only heard "You can't have it..."
simsgirlgem 25
You should have shown the bite marks the little brat left then not only would you not have been suspended but you could threaten to sue for assault mom having to pay if you did since she's responsible for the piranha like brat of hers
mackdeezy 22
Kids are dumb "I want it all's" sometimes, and mothers dont help. I once saw a family ask for a Mario game on the xbox when I was browsing the store one day. I shrugged it off but then you could see the look of frustration in the clerk as he explained "just because theyre disc based video games and theyre both disc based consoles doesnt mean the xbox lases will understand the wii game."
jjmiller1001 17
I hope you atleast kicked him in the junk, hoping that will prevent him from breeding.
glamorous18 10
didn't kick him hard enough :
perdix 29
Tell him you'll "special order" it for him and you'll call his mother when it comes in. Hopefully, she's a MILF (even if it takes a few beers to get her there.)
Reality_bites 14
Zombies....They walk among us..