Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML
Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML
Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, like most days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice, but this time he brought this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family "brave" enough to go fetch our cat's gifts. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
americanLegion1 2
That sounds so horrific but for some reason I can't help but to giggle.
Psych101 9
I really doubt the "I like turtles" kid would have said that after watching this.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (197)
torbn 2
Awesome!
smartman136 8
I would do this.
megamandude455 10
I SERIOUSLY wish I was there!
iambobcat 3
Dude.. Turtles r supposed to be vegetarians..
Mademoiselle_fml 34
Um, no. Turtles are omnivores. They eat all sorts of things... Mine doesn't like fruits or veggies much. She prefers shrimp, mealworms and crickets. Mmm.
katie1989 9
I think you mean herbivore, as animals do not choose to be veretarian. A vegetarian is a human diet. And no, turtles are not herbivores, they are omnivores. Please read all the comments before you post.
ninjacapo 2
Thats what animals do. >.< my brother thought having a turtle would be a cool idea untill we had to feed it worms (which he also befriended) btw never buy superworms. Theyre disgusting
fredricodasna 1
I had no idea turtles ate mice must be some epic turtles LOOL
dstluke 7
I'd have paid money to see the looks on their faces.
mad_hatter0666 22
Well, at least they weren't live mice.
midcoder007 0
vhut?
midcoder007 0
astro boy!!