Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while walking home with my friends. As I was struggling to breathe, they thought I was attention-seeking and left me on the floor. FML
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Top comments
juanaranda1015 4
at least you didn't get robbed. hope you get better
mozeltov 7
Rick rolled
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Comments (255)
Bella_is_my_name 4
LOL. don't breathe then. DUMB BITCH. (;
iamyourmum 1
Wow ok.. someone should beat Bella up
A7X_LoVeee 10
LOL take your own advice.
Garyy_fml 11
Yeah, **** Rick. Bella is the enemy!
kwchambers92 10
good one bella! because people don't need to breathe
alex112094 5
Wow now you make Canadians look bad...
jamboy51 0
hey just leave her alone but really if it hurts to breath dont
talensledge1 0
How exactly do you not breath?
cc_the_beast 6
Or breathe even. I'll stop and take a breath while I think about it.
FUUUandyourmom 16
Read Bella's 'About Me.' I can't even..
Garyy_fml 11
Wait she's 13 and loves getting drunk and high!? What the hell!
kona314 1
Bella - busy soon? Cuz I'm not an undercover cop or anything...
saIty 17
You just got Rick-rolled.
Garyy_fml 11
Never gonna give you up...
Daftostea 0
how is it that I saw this joke coming upon first reading the fml? lol
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Never gonna let you down...
BaconDave 12
Never gonna run around and desert you...
sheethapins 13
Never gonna make you cry...
BringMeTheHorizo_fml 0
Never gonna say goodbye
davizv 0
u shoulda fought back saying "IM RICK JAMES BITCH"
manbizzle 1
YEEAAH!
cabbitt 0
You can't take an axe kick to the chest. Learn the correct kick name.
mooshibear140 4
Agreed. It was probably a roundhouse kick or hook kick or something, and OP doesn't know the names of kicks so he chose one that sounds about right. There's no way he got axe kicked to the chest. Haha. :)
Sykova 6
It's possible he was on the ground while being kicked.
markymark1429 8
generally when jumped like that, you end up on the ground. making an axe kick possible!
SwaggerMelon 6
No you could get axe kicked ACROSS the chest but not really just on it. Source: Black belt
cc_the_beast 6
Of course you can axe kick to the chest, with the heel or the ball of the foot, doesn't mean it's the best kick in that situation tho. I'm also a black belt.
nmearayta 0
you get beat up in the street what do you do? a)call police b)revenge c)post to FML best choice: c. good move there John
borntoperform 14
He couldve done more than one of those choices yknow
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
I choose.....D THE SECRET ANSWER!!! All of the above + Post on FB and Calling Ghostbusters
lindseyluvszac 4
Shit that suxs. Were you screaming 'John, John!' I kinda can imagine that, and boy does that make lol. FYL dude, all the way
nadyy14 8
I don't get it
borkchop1992 15
thats why you carry a handy dandy pocket shank on you at all times
GuidoCheese 0
Maybe this is the guy who happened to die and his neighbor sputtered out Jim instead of Rich.... This is all making sense! :D
Mitz_fml 4
That's what I was thinking.
Strolling 0
Too bad the guys name was Rick and not Rich....
Strolling 0
Aw man...I forgot about that. Well that sucks.
Legendslayer222 26
And the real Rich was the one killed when they were rear ended in that 'accident' at Wal-Mart! It's a conspiracy.
notlogan 0
dude im sry....ps this is Rick....don't tell em I was here!!!
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Well GOOD! At first I thought u were logan