Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
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Top comments
bteundeadmidget 5
Sharing is caring op?
xCrazyWhiteGirlx 0
Burgar Bombing, the new fad
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Comments (204)
123josie123 11
Ew fyl OP... I hope you trashed it right after.
Clarese 0
I'm sorry, but that's kinda funny.
obamathellama 0
Sorry OP....I was hungry.
sjhill 32
oh wow! How awkward!
Nwthatzfunny 9
forget dat....datz a fight
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
Why do you write "that" like "dat", is it so hard to add a couple more letters?
Jaxx66 21
Oh no! He's back. >_< I thought he got removed or tired of the thumbs down and left.
desireev 18
C'mon now #20! it's not 'that' hard to put 'that' one more letter in to 'that' word, 'that'.. It's just one more letter! Let's all say it together! 'T-H-A-T... THAT'! 'Dat' sounds like the name of a menacing, flying insect. One more time! 'THAT'! :)
WordSmyth 2
"Gimme dat wattle Waah! Wah!" That's all I can think of when I see "dat" and other bastardizations of words. It sound like a baby trying to speak, but unable to comprehend or enunciate properly so he omits syllables or consonants.
ravenxcorvinus 9
now that's boss! lol
reenkaur 7
why did your bf take you along to such a place! my bf would be a little more protective than that
Shleebs 12
It's a liquor store....Not a crack house in the ghetto.
sammyjanette 17
#39 as opposed to a crack house not located in the ghetto?
Shleebs 12
#89 -- Yes. The ghetto makes everything scarier, or didn't you know? I was just trying to come up with an extreme scenario as to where it would be unsafe for someone to venture. You know, painting a picture.
downtime 13
51, I wonder if this is the same idiot who considers her boyfriend her own personal bodyguard to protect her from murderers and rapists...
copo37 7
He's just helping you finish a burger so now your boyfriend has to no excuse to procrastinate the hibbity dibbity with you. You should thank the hungry drunk. You also have no excuse to use the absurd abbreviation FOD.
CeruleanThree 8
Takes "I'll have what she's having." to a whole new level.
kickuwithmyfist 1
Hobos gotta eat too!