Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
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Top comments
bteundeadmidget 5
Sharing is caring op?
xCrazyWhiteGirlx 0
Burgar Bombing, the new fad
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Comments (204)
dr_octagonapus47 4
Well once again DocBastard is a bastard
KiddNYC1O 22
That was your drunk bf, duh. You're drunk, op.
tippi17 3
Bwahahahaaaa!
cjrand 7
Haha just shit myself
KiddNYC1O 22
Clean up, clean up! Everybody do your share! Or whatever.
skyeyez9 25
I remember a cop talking to a person about things he encountered at work. One was a homeless person who would go into restaurants, lick his fingers, wipe it onto the food and ask if they were "gonna finish that?"
jordanlite 16
Wow, drunk guy is my hero!
Omega_Mus 7
Oh, c'mon be nice to Wimpy. He pay you tomorrow for his bite of burger.
jbizzle2688 6
I'm sorry but that is just funny.
noobsauce1234 0
Ninja swag.
SebastianG 2
Did he at least say thank you? Lol