Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
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Top comments
Bekll 31
She could hear it over the vacuuming?
crablegs 2
didn't just Fart your Ass? where else would you Fart from?
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Comments (90)
drdraaman 0
Well look at it this way, she could have been so disgusted with you that she could have just walked away. But no, she decided to stay for the whole shabang. She's a keeper, man. ;P
xXSecondGuessXx 0
Hah. Nice. But if she wasn't freaked out, then maybe she isn't that shallow. Maybe you should ask her out?
mgkgambino 3
That's not funny bro, that's disgusting :/
hahaha1699 0
thats y u have to hold it in it will eventually go away
TheGITP 0
Least she has a sense of humour?
Trisha_aus 15
Pleasant way to break the ice! Is it still not okay for 'hot' shielas to join the party?
j_cat187 20
Op "You know you could have said something before making a complete ass of myself."
cryssycakesx3 23
or before "farting his ass"
Maverick52 13
Pray she has a fart fetish.
whodat62 0
They had to be some LOUD RIP'S to here them over they vacuum!!!!!!!
lunax_fml 14
Hahah, there are so many things I want to comment on. To start, geez, how loud are your farts that she can even hear them over the vacuum, why the frak were you vacuuming with the door open to begin with, and wtf was she doing just spying on you fart and vacuum? Seriously, if she wanted something she should have tried to knock to get your attention or something or came back later instead of being a creeper.