Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
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Top comments
Bekll 31
She could hear it over the vacuuming?
crablegs 2
didn't just Fart your Ass? where else would you Fart from?
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Comments (90)
PrincessPesa 20
Farting in your new apartment is like christening a new ship with a bottle of champagne. Nothing wrong with that. But if you wanted to keep your farty times private, why was the door open?! And whatever, if she was still standing there and didn't look totally disgusted I'd say you're doing okay, mate.
hateevryone 15
So wait, the door was opened while you were vacuuming?
ClosetTroll 10
It's a good start if she stood there through each and every one of them.
itsgonnahappento 11
Hopefully shit didn't get too awkward after that...
THExistentialist 13
BAHAHA! boom shat?! what, OP has R-PeB up in his intestines? (urban dictionary word of the day! yay I got to use it!)
ILike_Dancing123 19
That awkward moment when a neighbour hears one fart over the hover.
Grimmerie 31
She was hovering? WHOOOAAAA.
mk58 31
OP: Ahh, here comes a big one! *atomic bomb* *silence* OP: Uh-oh...
JMichael 26
When you need a moment, eat a twix
THExistentialist 13
hahaha. OP: I know! ill let the rest of my flatulence out while time is frozen, and then when she passes out, ill febreze the room and when she wakes up I can tell her I found her passed out and helped her like a gentlemen... step 5- PROFIT! Hot neighbor : o.o;
THExistentialist 13
I'm not sure if I know the "I didn't just fart my ass" tone. and how loud are they for her to hear over the vacuum?
bubo_fml 11
"That's nothing! Check out the blasting I can do when I start up the blender!"