Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little... - FML

By donezo - 26/6/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

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Fear factor

Nice neighborhood

Great boyfriend

By Norwegian - 2/6/2012 16:55 - Norway

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

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By Workplace woes - 12/5/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

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By fashionVictim - 8/3/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

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By okay then - 13/2/2013 22:09 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2013 20:54 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

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By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

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By elevatorjerk - 2/9/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

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By Manatee - 11/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

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By themanontheright - 1/3/2010 20:50 - United States

Today, my boss was using my computer and tried to copy and paste a website URL. It must not have copied first, because it pasted a URL to a porn site. I think I should start looking for a new job. FML

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By yeetyeet - 9/3/2019 22:00 - United States - Whitehall

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

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By YoungSmileBones - 15/8/2016 18:29 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

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By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2011 09:32 - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

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By skitzobiatch69 - 13/9/2011 17:07 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 20:59 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

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By cody4prez - 15/7/2016 18:23

Today, my dad told my mom to hurry up or they'd miss the start of their concert. She said "I'm coming, I'm coming..." and without thinking, I blurted "That's what she said." They're super religious, and I'm now grounded till January. FML

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By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

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By starrybrooke - 6/4/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

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By unsuspcted - 17/11/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, my son told me to grow a pair and ask my girlfriend of a year and a half to marry me. He is 7 years old. FML

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By noworkformeplease - 9/3/2017 16:00

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

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By belladonna1025 - 11/5/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

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By Username - 18/2/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

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By Sam - 1/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

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By stumpy - 31/7/2019 18:00

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 01:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

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By wetandpantsless - 4/10/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2016 16:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

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By Butch - 4/7/2016 17:19 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 20:00

Underestimated overachiever

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

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By Michelle - 27/12/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

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By Badabim - 30/4/2018 20:30

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2020 15:01

Deez nutz hurtz

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

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By serverdessert - 8/3/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

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By oliver - 27/1/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

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By Andrew7847 - 11/1/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

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By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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Top comments

By bobtea | 1

#342204 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:35

Could have been worse. At least it wasn't in the ball pit, and you didn't have to dig around for it. But FYL, haha.

By Darth_Taco | 14

#342242 - Friday 26 June 2009 13:03

I've heard of a lot of these cases. I'm starting to consider super-gluing my kids' diapers on when I have them. I am so sorry.

Comments

By Chidge | 0

#342174 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:23

First!

Reply

Strawe | 0

#342190 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:29

diaf.

Reply

easylazy | 0

#342373 - Friday 26 June 2009 14:29

You should've spanked his ass!!!!!

Reply

yayclaire | 1

#342673 - Friday 26 June 2009 16:30

Wow. It's really stupid saying FIRST when you are first because everybody else buries your comment and you don't even get to see the one time you were first.

Reply

Antonio718 | 0

#344367 - Saturday 27 June 2009 0:07

Congratulations for being first and stating it you get to be a dumbass! Anyways FYL indeed

Reply

skullbashd | 3

#931304 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 5:22

if you had to find the poop how did you lnownit was there?

Reply

cloudyface | 23

#6528105 - Thursday 4 February 2016 6:20

Poop smells.... That or some parent may have informed them it was there (their kid found it or what have you).

By AmberHall | 2

#342179 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:25

That's pathetic saying first

OP- FML definitely, since you can't refuse without loosing your job

Reply

shaubygal | 11

#2992281 - Friday 29 July 2011 9:15

that my friend sounds like * puts on sunglasses* a shitty situation

BAZZOWW

By whitneyyy | 0

#342182 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:26

yeah fyl! sorry dude, baby shit isn't cute/

Reply

NoMercy_fml | 0

#343434 - Friday 26 June 2009 20:03

Brings whole new meaning to the word poop-chute

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#348874 - Sunday 28 June 2009 13:43

Baby shit+skidmarks=NASTY!

By iampjman | 0

#342195 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:31

lol ydi for not getting a better job!!!

By meta_knight_486 | 5

#342196 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:32

When I was younger, a little girl took a dump in the local Burger King's playscape. I guess stuff like this happens... It wasn't in the slide, though; that had to be terrible.

By bobtea | 1

#342204 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:35

Could have been worse. At least it wasn't in the ball pit, and you didn't have to dig around for it. But FYL, haha.

Reply

jncwmnd | 0

#342513 - Friday 26 June 2009 15:50

very true, a ball pit would've been worse...but thats disgusting still, FYL

By SinatraStyle | 3

#342228 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:50

You at McDonald's ain't you?

By deliapearl | 0

#342237 - Friday 26 June 2009 12:57

Parent should have been watching and cleaned up that sh't too

By Darth_Taco | 14

#342242 - Friday 26 June 2009 13:03

I've heard of a lot of these cases. I'm starting to consider super-gluing my kids' diapers on when I have them. I am so sorry.

By eyehurts | 0

#342289 - Friday 26 June 2009 13:30

you should get a raise