Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML
Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML
Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
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Top comments
crumsnatcha 4
At least you weren't riding a motorcycle.
MoonyIce 0
Aaaand that. That there is one of the funniest things I've read all damn day. Thank you.
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Comments (161)
Vilen1025 0
The guy was stoned.
EMR_fml 0
I'm so doing this tomorrow. After my morning dump, I'm going to scoop it into a paper bag, put on my grungiest clothes, step in front of some random motorist, throw the bag at him, scream "praise the Lord", and then just walk away. Actually, I think we should all do this. I declare Friday, October 9 "Throw Shit for the Lord Day"
NataleeC 0
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we should!!
Gasca 0
You should probably do what he says
17mayhem17 0
91 = win lmao
Ninjaface 0
You should have asked him if dropping that load felt like fire and brimstone.
JohnnyTheFox 0
Was it solid or was it more like dribbly diarrhea? One big hunk or a cluster of mini turds?
Purplehazeglass 9
AH, ah, ah ahchoooooooooo! Sorry, i'm allergic to bullshit
CyclonePsycho 1
Was the pun intended? :]
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Hey, he was just trying to share his food. Sure, it might not have been from today, but the thought counts!
yardsgreen 0
He just avoided getting hit by a car *and* got rid of his smelly bag of shit. I'd be praising God too!
bigcrazymike 6
LMFAO so hard right now!