Intimacy: Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing...

By meggasee - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

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Intimacy

Serious times

Coherence dude, do you have it?

And today, on Dr Phil…

By Anonymous - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

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By royalscenery - Canada

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

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By Dannikins - 5/11/2020 01:01 - United States - San Antonio

Don't hate the playa…

Today, the guy I've been looking forward going on a date with had to cancel due to Covid. This wouldn't have been an issue, if I didn't see him later that night posting about him at a bar with another girl. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

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By StairwayToEvan92

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

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By DeaazGurl - 22/1/2021 17:01

Thievery

Today, the medicine I keep at my desk for headaches is now gone thanks to my coworker who took the last 6 Advil at once. Her reasoning? "You're thin, so you wouldn't need them anyway. I'm twice your size, so I needed twice the dose." FML

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By questionmark707 - United States - Fullerton

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - La Grange

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 02:01

Eco-friendly

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

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Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

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By lyle - 2/4/2021 08:00

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

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By Tray

Con Artist Kitty

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

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By Hornymuch - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Wrong question

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

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21580

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

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14553

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Ser17 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

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By facepalming all the way - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

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By -__- - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

John Coltrane

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

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By Chlo

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

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By panicked headaches - United States - East Lansing

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

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By thank u usa - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

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By For - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

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By Bareassed - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

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By P0wned - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

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By Deli meat prom - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

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By keiler

She'll be single for a looong time...

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

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By FD4

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

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By thanks.... - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

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41131

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By Apple - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

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By morgan_love11 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

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By bsulyingb - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

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By Taylor Easley - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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Top comments

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

COMMENTS

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

joker141 | 0

#797469 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:16

I'll give u one lol

mgblaskewicz | 0

#804531 - Thursday 28 January 2010 12:28

you scream like your mom. now you have something in common.

_whoops | 0

#810273 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:59

hahaha thats what you get haha i hope she told your dad

drilher244 | 0

#835668 - Monday 8 February 2010 22:05

awesome!! at least you had the orgasm before she walked in and messed it up

heyyyaubrey | 9

#5835799 - Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:45

no she didnt..she was having it right as her mom walked in. way tooo awkward

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

keetlover | 0

#1244288 - Sunday 15 August 2010 7:31

wow mmmmhmmm

shinshoku13 | 19

#4123790 - Monday 5 March 2012 15:35

Or maybe mom would realize what they are doing and leave them be or barge in if she didn't approve, i'm sure her mom isn't that niave

soupisyummy | 13

#4128105 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 14:42

Doesn't matter. Had sex

By Ms_Popsergeant | 0

#797339 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

lol nice

HeresReality | 0

#798975 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:00

ydi for having sex while parents are home. if they know then at least use the damn lock. morons.

robotiick | 12

#2599558 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 13:21

39 is right I'm only 12 but I no never hav sex while ur parents r home

By rob3 | 0

#797340 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Spyingcheeseman | 8

#5826375 - Monday 13 January 2014 20:34

The lesson here kids is, if you don't wanna f
get caught having sex. keep the door open.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#797344 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:04

Pics or it never happened.

sam572 | 5

#804786 - Thursday 28 January 2010 15:32

awesone

ashylarry102 | 0

#989317 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:37

wow 5 I love ur default

felixcoco11 | 5

#4973231 - Wednesday 26 September 2012 7:04

If she is 14or15 or less than 18 you considered as a fucking pedo

By ElMundio87 | 0

#797346 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:05

boo hoo

By _Paul_88 | 0

#797348 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:07

haha your mum saw your cum face! sucks to be you lmao

AxCxDxDx | 0

#797402 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:39

He's got the right idea.

By purple91 | 8

#797407 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:41

Hey, atleast you showed her you pick good sex partners..

By happypapp12 | 0

#797454 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

Haha At least you got to experience it with your mum

By georgelopez | 0

#797456 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

dumb