Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing...

By meggasee - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

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24717

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Intimacy

Serious times

Walk on the wild side

Reverse psychology

By Cherub - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

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68936

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By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

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56159

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By Cora - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

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31677

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9050

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By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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1628

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595

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By Matt - Australia

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

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26572

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4182

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By etgohome - Canada - Kingston

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

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42087

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By ohemgee - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

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35882

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

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19560

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By GroosedOut - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

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44507

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5386

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By notacreep - United States - San Francisco

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

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31362

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By Colleen Nichols - United States - Piscataway

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

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30731

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By Malakai - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

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48725

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

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19933

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 05:00

Hello, I love you

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

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1561

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By Anonymous - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

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27499

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By kookoocatlady

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

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9776

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By notyoueallie - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

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26388

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3804

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By romedizzle - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

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24392

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By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

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12646

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By missmisfit - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

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23946

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By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

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46500

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By wtf is wrong with my country - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

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By blah - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

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20482

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By Wannabees - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

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7396

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

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2007

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228

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By CptZoe - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

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24691

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 17:01

Better out than in

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

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1722

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By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

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9702

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By Anonymous - Germany - Lahr

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

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33506

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By trying2breathe - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39223

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By still had to pay - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

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41430

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

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29451

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By notaslut - 8/1/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Stay safe

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2511

You deserved it

559

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By pandasbear - United States

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22785

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14159

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By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29553

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By milf - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27092

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By klv8 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

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48603

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I will always be in her thought

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3038

You deserved it

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By darknight

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

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518

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Top comments

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

COMMENTS

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

joker141 | 0

#797469 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:16

I'll give u one lol

mgblaskewicz | 0

#804531 - Thursday 28 January 2010 12:28

you scream like your mom. now you have something in common.

_whoops | 0

#810273 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:59

hahaha thats what you get haha i hope she told your dad

drilher244 | 0

#835668 - Monday 8 February 2010 22:05

awesome!! at least you had the orgasm before she walked in and messed it up

heyyyaubrey | 9

#5835799 - Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:45

no she didnt..she was having it right as her mom walked in. way tooo awkward

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

keetlover | 0

#1244288 - Sunday 15 August 2010 7:31

wow mmmmhmmm

shinshoku13 | 19

#4123790 - Monday 5 March 2012 15:35

Or maybe mom would realize what they are doing and leave them be or barge in if she didn't approve, i'm sure her mom isn't that niave

soupisyummy | 13

#4128105 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 14:42

Doesn't matter. Had sex

By Ms_Popsergeant | 0

#797339 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

lol nice

HeresReality | 0

#798975 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:00

ydi for having sex while parents are home. if they know then at least use the damn lock. morons.

robotiick | 12

#2599558 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 13:21

39 is right I'm only 12 but I no never hav sex while ur parents r home

By rob3 | 0

#797340 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Spyingcheeseman | 8

#5826375 - Monday 13 January 2014 20:34

The lesson here kids is, if you don't wanna f
get caught having sex. keep the door open.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#797344 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:04

Pics or it never happened.

sam572 | 5

#804786 - Thursday 28 January 2010 15:32

awesone

ashylarry102 | 0

#989317 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:37

wow 5 I love ur default

felixcoco11 | 5

#4973231 - Wednesday 26 September 2012 7:04

If she is 14or15 or less than 18 you considered as a fucking pedo

By ElMundio87 | 0

#797346 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:05

boo hoo

By _Paul_88 | 0

#797348 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:07

haha your mum saw your cum face! sucks to be you lmao

AxCxDxDx | 0

#797402 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:39

He's got the right idea.

By purple91 | 8

#797407 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:41

Hey, atleast you showed her you pick good sex partners..

By happypapp12 | 0

#797454 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

Haha At least you got to experience it with your mum

By georgelopez | 0

#797456 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

dumb