Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing...

By meggasee - 25/1/2010 00:23 - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

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Intimacy

Nice neighborhood

Whatthefuckaburger

Weird kid

By migsman - 15/9/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

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By issue - 7/9/2018 01:30

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

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By faeliality - 18/4/2016 08:39 - United States

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

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By reallythough - 13/4/2013 18:07 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By salope - 26/8/2015 08:33 - France - Paris

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

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By bill - 28/11/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By Aaron - 1/12/2011 22:00

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

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By yosenfal - 28/4/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 20:47 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

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By dumbmotherinlaw - 6/7/2016 17:29 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

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By Ramis182 - 16/12/2013 08:52 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 15:23 - Australia

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

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By oops - 19/8/2013 16:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 05:06 - United States - Caldwell

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

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By Tigerlily - 3/5/2017 22:00

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

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By apav - 11/6/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

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By yosmurf - 11/3/2017 18:00

They're perfect for each other!

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

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By SayWhat - 25/2/2010 11:46 - United States

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

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By Sarah - 19/10/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

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By mtorres8789 - 27/6/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

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By Suzi_d16 - 20/4/2020 23:00

Oh well, maybe next… year?

Today, I was supposed to get married. Unfortunately, it was cancelled because of the coronavirus. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2011 03:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

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By GidleyWife - 30/7/2015 17:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

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By Fatty - 6/3/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

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By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

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By anonymous - 19/2/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

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By smoochie - 1/8/2009 21:37

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

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By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

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By oops - 31/12/2020 05:00

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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By kohler9790 - 22/2/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

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By GaveAnInchTakeAMile - 11/5/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

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By Why me? - 5/3/2016 05:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

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By BoCoMoGal - 13/5/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried 'forgot password', but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

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By yourmom - 21/9/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

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By DogStew - 12/9/2019 18:00

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

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By _Oblivion_ - 27/11/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

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Top comments

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

COMMENTS

By sundogs | 0

#797273 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:31

get a lock

joker141 | 0

#797469 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:16

I'll give u one lol

mgblaskewicz | 0

#804531 - Thursday 28 January 2010 12:28

you scream like your mom. now you have something in common.

_whoops | 0

#810273 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:59

hahaha thats what you get haha i hope she told your dad

drilher244 | 0

#835668 - Monday 8 February 2010 22:05

awesome!! at least you had the orgasm before she walked in and messed it up

heyyyaubrey | 9

#5835799 - Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:45

no she didnt..she was having it right as her mom walked in. way tooo awkward

By E40_fml | 0

#797286 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:35

Wtf were you screaming or something?
Obviously she would hear you and check.

keetlover | 0

#1244288 - Sunday 15 August 2010 7:31

wow mmmmhmmm

shinshoku13 | 19

#4123790 - Monday 5 March 2012 15:35

Or maybe mom would realize what they are doing and leave them be or barge in if she didn't approve, i'm sure her mom isn't that niave

soupisyummy | 13

#4128105 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 14:42

Doesn't matter. Had sex

By Ms_Popsergeant | 0

#797339 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

lol nice

HeresReality | 0

#798975 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:00

ydi for having sex while parents are home. if they know then at least use the damn lock. morons.

robotiick | 12

#2599558 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 13:21

39 is right I'm only 12 but I no never hav sex while ur parents r home

By rob3 | 0

#797340 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Spyingcheeseman | 8

#5826375 - Monday 13 January 2014 20:34

The lesson here kids is, if you don't wanna f
get caught having sex. keep the door open.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#797344 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:04

Pics or it never happened.

sam572 | 5

#804786 - Thursday 28 January 2010 15:32

awesone

ashylarry102 | 0

#989317 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:37

wow 5 I love ur default

felixcoco11 | 5

#4973231 - Wednesday 26 September 2012 7:04

If she is 14or15 or less than 18 you considered as a fucking pedo

By ElMundio87 | 0

#797346 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:05

boo hoo

By _Paul_88 | 0

#797348 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:07

haha your mum saw your cum face! sucks to be you lmao

AxCxDxDx | 0

#797402 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:39

He's got the right idea.

By purple91 | 8

#797407 - Monday 25 January 2010 10:41

Hey, atleast you showed her you pick good sex partners..

By happypapp12 | 0

#797454 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

Haha At least you got to experience it with your mum

By georgelopez | 0

#797456 - Monday 25 January 2010 11:07

dumb