Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed... - FML

By robthebuilder - 26/10/2010 06:35 - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

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The end of the road

Gas giant

The past that suits you best

By OfCourse - 27/6/2009 05:32 - United States

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

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By AH - 7/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 03:25 - United States - Waterford

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

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By Midge - 16/3/2010 23:03 - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 19:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

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By Peel - 13/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

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By seriously?? - 4/2/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

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By ihateseagulls - 7/4/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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By TT - 19/4/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

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By poop - 3/4/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 16:58

Proportional response

Today, our house caught fire. While trying to help my mom get to safety, the word "fuck" accidentally escaped my mouth. Once we were safe, she said I was grounded for swearing. I'm 19. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:46 - France

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

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By Mary - 5/3/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

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By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

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By tammylauraine - 29/2/2012 18:21 - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

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By Watchingmyfigure - 6/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

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By baconandkittens - 26/2/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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By Al - 22/6/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2011 08:17 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

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By thedancingtit - 7/6/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

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By anonymous - 21/2/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

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By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2010 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

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By Peach - 2/3/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

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By Urinal Fresh - 2/3/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

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By Pims - 15/4/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

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By oh my soul - 14/3/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

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By anonymous - 18/7/2013 13:53 - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

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By notyouagain - 3/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

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By Jjh99q - 3/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

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By Homeless - 9/3/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

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By Reggie - 12/5/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

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By ugly - 14/11/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

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Top comments

By sammyray | 0

#1605749 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:05

your life does suck. but hey go to the Xmas party booze it up and act belligerent. you have the green light.

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1605751 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:06

you have the right to act like a complete fool at the party. it's not like you'll see them again anyway ;)

COMMENTS

By sammyray | 0

#1605749 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:05

your life does suck. but hey go to the Xmas party booze it up and act belligerent. you have the green light.

Reply

luvzit | 0

#1605797 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:34

lol hope there's free grog!!!

Reply

ilovemydoodle123 | 0

#1605821 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:41

this is hard to read.......... it could of been worded better

Reply

denaysanders | 0

#1605868 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:57

yah agreed

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1605961 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 13:42

Lol at what 17 has to say. Can you guess why? Silly rabbit!

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1606113 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 14:52

Sourgirl- I'm thinking it's because that comment could have been worded better.

Ooh ooh! What do I win?

Reply

scarletscribblez | 0

#1606165 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 15:22

Doc, you just lost the game.

Reply

st0n333d | 0

#1606170 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 15:25

Allow me to translate.... PARTY AT HIS OFFICE AND EVERYONE ON FML IS INVITED : D

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1606185 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 15:38

Wha? No! Defeat snatched from the mouth of victory!

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1606203 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 15:48

You won DocBastard! Do you like buttered Pop Tarts?(:

Reply

BlackMoon_fml | 9

#1606464 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 17:00

Since you're already getting laid off you might as well go to the party, get ridiculously drunk and tell your boss what you really think of him/her.

Reply

charlotte100 | 2

#3702227 - Thursday 8 December 2011 11:53

Could have*

By ladybuuggy | 0

#1605751 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:06

you have the right to act like a complete fool at the party. it's not like you'll see them again anyway ;)

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1606070 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 14:23

Usually, those parties are for employees only. I'm willing to bet OPs boss was just being insensitive.
I don't think OP will be able to go to the party.

Reply

ozone9914 | 2

#4918638 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 8:13

you...look...PRETTY!!!

By iheartowls | 0

#1605753 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:08

Definitely agree with 1 & 2. Live it up, op!!

By redbluegreen | 40

#1605757 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:10

Who the fuck gives out Christmas invitations before Halloween? Seriously.

Reply

FFML_314 | 11

#1605778 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:21

Exactly what I was going to say. Either OP thinks Christmas consists of ghosts/witches and ghouls, the boss was handing out Halloween invitations or the boss is incredibly early.

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#1605792 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:30

Have you not heard of A Christmas Carol? There's also a popular Christmas house here that's known for its ghosts.

Reply

bachooka | 5

#1606244 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 16:08

lots of companies have their party in November since people are so busy during December.

Reply

steelersfan78 | 0

#1606608 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 18:01

My company"s Christmas party is in November. It's not uncommon to send out Christmas party invitations in October.

By jewban | 3

#1605759 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:10

smoke some crystal meth at the party... jk but do something crazy like get wasted and get with a co worker :)

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1605763 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:13

Go to the party. It just shows the decision wasn't personal, it was a business decision..

Reply

kayiscoolllll | 6

#1609689 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 8:37

i agree. obviously you worked there for the better part of the year, and they wouldn't give you an invitation if you weren't wanted. go and have fun!

By MrSassypants | 32

#1605768 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:16

The boss fired them so they wouldn't know about the party and wouldn't feel bad about not getting invited. Seems like a good reason to fire someone.... jk horrible reason and even more horrible if it's true.

By marsmallowsrule | 0

#1605770 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:16

hhahahahha douche

By Jimboom | 11

#1605775 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:19

If there is an open bar then drink it dry! Gotta get your severance out of them one way or another. ;-)

By FortMinor | 0

#1605781 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 12:21

act like a jerk at the party X.x