By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
I agree, your life sucks 37 961
You deserved it 4 041

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

you'd tap that. admit it.


ocho117 0


this is worse

ehbabeyyyXxx 0


maybe he's not to up tight in bed hahaha.... ok I know that was stupid any confidence boosters from yall would be appreciated.;)

ashlynn610 12

that's creepy D:

lol this made my day win for old perverts

an old man made a joke, big deal

lmfao not realy a fml but funny as hell

lmao that's funny

redshortsx 0

that's ****** creepy

BigBoner 0

YDI for living in Michigan

he wants to get in yo pantz!!! hahaha poor old guy... but honestly what wud u say back 2 that???

take a ****** joke

How is there a pool open in the middle of March? In Michigan?

take it as a compliment :D

cosmicparallax 0

It's probably an indoor pool. Like at the YMCA or something.

that's a wierdo

Ever heard of an indoor pool?

What is this indoors you speak of?

AngryNinja 1

'today, i realized i'm pretty enough to be hit on by old guys in sexy speedos. fml.'

I can smell, the toxic fumes, in the air, but no one cares. As I learn, my head will turn, into a symbiotic hand.

AngryNinja 1

100, are you high?

yes, 103, apparently on toxic fumes...

AngryNinja 1


P. E. N. I. S. spells penis. Whats up? Confluxiation. On Venus. Lower gravitational pull, on my dick. Pull really hard and you'll get some sick shit. On your face, yes it's white, here it comes, heres the cream. Wipe it from, your face, and say nice. Whats up? Thats random. W. T. F. spells what the ****.

#88 - ever heard of an INDOOR pool? They're generally opened year round.... including winter. lol

just an evryday old perv

epound28 0

Where's the FML here? I enjoy old men in speedos.

That reminds me of the time my mom ran around kicking people and saying roundhouse while ssinging cant touch me

alleyx3 0

hahahah wow

Come on, you know you've had fantasies about this before, why not take a chance.

she digs him, you know it, she called him a gentleman

crailboyne 0

how is this a big deal? I have fantasies about older men all the time....and I'm a guy.

^^^ that's... um... nice? I guess?

gregsdaman 0

yea bc they r swimming in Michigan right now...cough*cough*FAKEcough*cough*

marleytooyou 0

cough cough indoor pool cough!!!

171- there's this AMAZING thing they have nowadays called indoor heating, now you can have indoor pools! omg the things they think of nowadays

YourEvilHero 12

life guards at indoor pools? never seen em

they are required in most states

There's always atleast two at my YMCA indoor pool.. just lurking to wait and tell me after 15 minutes I've been in the hot tub long enough. >:(

InCaged_Insanity 0

old man ftw!!

#171 FAIL!! haha and yeah, they do have lifeguards at indoor pools. people don't have to be outdoors to drown.

charlie_schmidt4 0

at least now you don't have to hide it

how do you know it's a she

@202 scroll to the very top of the fml and look in the top right corner. a female sign.

kk2krazee 0

Thank you #190 for putting that out there. Some people are so ignorant. OP: big deal

165 scares me.... like literally he's the kinda people my parents warn me about....

that's wrong on sooo many levels :/

#218 are you homophobic or something? or very closeminded? I dunno how this is a fml, sure it's akward but seeing as you can't read emotion in texts it looks like a joke.

Thaaaaat's weird.

vergaso 0

well......r u gonna fantasis bout it? if so ydi

mrwakeemup 0

dude...dat suks

232- I am homophobic being a firm Christian I don't believe gays are natural, learn to use the front door, back door is for the fudge packers

KittehSayzRAWR 0

Lol smarty ;)

gods_hunter10 0

165 wow faget!!!!!!!!! how the **** can we survive if all were gay???? retarted father ducker

Maybe I'm missing context, but exactly what do you find to be homophobic in this comment ? Old-creeper-phobic, maybe...

10000000th hahaha just kidding. well I mean I guess if u like older winkly mean that's cool

YDI for probly checking him out

hwkfan1 10

that sucks balls ( literally)

haha old perverts for the win!!!

ffmm wat does ftw mean ???

this is crazy... lmao the op is either that attactive or the old man is just crazy lmao

ftw= for the win confidence is a sexy thing. op, next time give him a nice little growl ;]

ashlynn610 12

lmao I always thought ftw meant f*** the world!!! well now I know (:

epoh_fml 0

ok I get FTW but what does XD mean? I get the other ones from context but I've never understood XD.

ashlynn610 12

it's a laughing smiley face...

itz_towelie 6

i though XD was just like a wierd smiley face kinda thing, it actually means somthin?

i thought that too at first lol

I think it's funny ^-^

AngryNinja 1

73, i think it can mean both. depends on the context it's used in, i suppose.

i thought ftw= **** the world but meh. way to go old speedo dude xD

wow...epic perverted old man win!

cater2U 0

ew that's weird... this is one reason why I'm afraid of old people

Confidence?! Dude, I would be so scared if some old man came up to me and said something like that. That just leads to embarresment which therefore does not lead to confidence, I think. Right?

Emofluffinzhehe 0

just like herbert the neighborhood pervert :3 mmmmmmmmmmmmm... lol

fake there are no pools open in Michigan this time of year!!!!

I like how to avoid the mods everyone replys to the second comment. 

Phoenix_GAD 0

its called an indoor pool. They tend to be open during the winter. considering they are heated and indoors...

WolfsGuns 0

that's hella funny, it made my day

pedobearsstalker 0

sirin is annoying me

confidence is not sexy when you have 250 lb chicks asking you out

this is very true^^^ I've had a lot of women ask me out... and I'm not into girls xD

If you have 250 lb girls asking you out you should feel ashamed they think you're in their league.

155- I was commenting on 66 saying confidence is sexy, I'm saying some chicks who need to swing their arms out and around when they walk are annoying when they have the confidence to ask me out, only to have that confidence shot down and burned

canchremechanic 0

155- win!

181- you and 155 fail to see the concept, said twice now, the reason they "think" they're in my league is because they have confidence, which I pointed out to 66, making it NOT sexy

I saw the concept. I just also saw you set yourself up for a jokes if you have 250 women asking you out. you're right though, confidence doesn't make someone less repulsive.

yah, don't worry I laugh at myself too, glad I could make a joke for you lol

Confidence can actually be quite a turn on. though sometimes the fugly takes beer goggles.

probably because you were staring...

jasonsaied 1

Herbert only likes young boys

cyberotter 0

this was a girl

csin 0

Hey! After my swim, "you want a popsicle? My cellar's full of popsicles!" Buahahah!!!!

hmmmmmmmmmm. *add creeper smile*

thats a creepy thought right there

madmonkeykilla 0

lol 250lb women are like mopeds, fun to ride but u don't want ur friends to find out

lol ^^^^ possibly the best win I've ever seen

you'd tap that. admit it.

Dean Connery said that to me once. Then he stared at the guy until he took off his clothes and made him some Mac 'N Cheese. Then he grinned and used his chest hair as a grappling hook to rise up into the clouds.

^^^ this made me gag =/

afatmonkey and me are getting married (x

Daerauko 0

I wanna go the reception! there better be an open bar!

haha there will be:D your all invited.

the funny thing is afatmonkey doesn't k ow about this wedding. so when the day comes I'll just have to bag him and tie him up to a chair and then when he has to say I do he'll have one of those super cool wheelchairs that can talk for you and I'll pressthe little buttons to make it say "I do" and then at the honey moon when were having sex we can do it family guy style "oh oh baby" "yeah I like that"

lol drop a bomb on him will yeh, just show and and hey.... were getting married 0_0 =o

ahahaha. but I wanna use those super cool wheel chairs!

you by chance seen the bid (dunno if it's a movie or not) where there is a guy in one of those chairs who's a perve, it's funny cuz it says it in that monotone computer voice lol

ahahaha no I have never seen it xD but I watched the family guy episode where he was like dint make me hit you and then he rams his wife with his wheel chair and then he goes you know I don't like to hurt you. aahahahaha then they have make up sex with there computer voicesxD it's so funny

:D lol, sounds funny but I tend to watch south park more than fg

purplemnm 9

maybe Stephan Hawking will let you borrow his.

he has one?! :D score I'm gonna go ask him. and yeah south park is pretty funny. I don't wath it a lot though. I've only seen the one wherre everyone ignores that fat kid and the one where there in a bad er something. and the one where that fat kid goes to fat camp. hahaha

^^^ maybe Wal-Mart will let you borrow a bag to cover your head lol

meant for 207* jk tho lol sry Paige not 4 u XD

ahaha I was offended xD I was like oh shit I didnt know I was that ugly >.< ahaha.

believe me I was like o shit too when I saw you posted first, well I'm off to go brush teeth, take out contacts, etc. before I hit teh hay, might be back in 15 mins

riseagainst1616 0

no Paige ur not ugly ur hott xD

Cynical_AbInitio 0

Afatmonkey never fails to crack me up with his off-the-wall random comments. PURE WiN

ur hot and funny!

guckylynn 19

Paige, the funny thing about you not knowing Stephan Hocking had a wheelchair is that it was him in that family guy epidsode...

guckylynn 19

Wow... hawking how did I spell that wrong.

sorry^^ I knew it was something like that I just didn't know it was him xD and thanks riseagainst(: your cute too^-^ hehe

purplemnm 9

no it's not, the one in FG is just some random person, but Stephan Hawking is a scientist who proved the black hole theory, he has this condition where he's paralyzed and can't speak so he has a talking wheelchair. it's cool to listen to him coz his "voice" is kinda like a smooth robot xD.

you were giving him the eye weren't you? c'mon, admit it!

that's very disgusting especially if ur a dude

quikwit1212 0

It's a girl, it says it right up there.

BrookeTrueblood 0

OP is a girl, but that's still messed up.

brookes hot H-A-W-T! hahahaha

BrookeTrueblood 0

Uh, thanks creepy Internet guy (hopefully)...

hahaha you welcome

Thunderbender 2

Well to be fair, when you look as pretty as you do and post pictures on the internet you open yourself up to creepy comments like that :/

He probably forgets who you are and makes that same joke every day.

devendra_fml 0

well, at least he was a gentleman.

yea well at least it was a guy and not a chick...

Emmmmm55 0

atleast nothin tht is still really bad fyl

matthew33_fml 0

this wouldn't be an FML unless you really do have fantasies about him so YDI

He sounds like an awesome guy, you should have gotten his number.

Monikabug 9

Haha yes! Maybe he will include you in his will. :P

"And to the hot life guard that was fantasizing about us being together I am giving her the tight speedo I was wearing the first day I met her. I would greatly appreciate it if she put it on right now." :D that'd be one amazing funeral service. anyone agree???

nice Monika... but don't get a"head" of yourself... though I'm sure the older man would enjoy that I doubt you would :-P

Monikabug 9

Lol! True that, Derek. Very doubtful...