Work: Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service"...

By niiiiiiiiiikki - 08/01/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 519

You deserved it 2 496

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Same thing different taste

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 18:32 - Norway

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 3 357

By xricardo - 05/06/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 004

You deserved it 26 381

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 973

You deserved it 4 045

Wobble wobble

By Dr.Octopus454 - 07/10/2011 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 146

You deserved it 3 628

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:20 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 3 920

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 005

By Men '86 - 24/07/2011 06:41 - Canada

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 017

You deserved it 39 325

By babyeaternomnom - 30/06/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 887

You deserved it 2 326

He needs them more than you

By cjj325 - 20/03/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 030

You deserved it 32 536

DocBastard 38

Sunday 9 January 2011 1:50

I see you don't have a "No pants, no service" policy. Fascinating.

alwa7sh 2

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:15

it's probably stevo filming jackass 4

Comments

sweet_candy_ 17

Sunday 9 January 2011 1:49

Woah where do you work at?

I_R_Genius 3

Sunday 9 January 2011 4:11

Oh god, I hope it wasn't Borat..

PuppiesFTW 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 5:49

You're so into the details :P

RockNRollAndrew 18

Wednesday 1 January 2014 17:44

Probobly WalMart

CRrawsum 7

Sunday 9 January 2011 1:50

that sounds incredibly sexy :]

DocBastard 38

Sunday 9 January 2011 1:50

I see you don't have a "No pants, no service" policy. Fascinating.

UpsidedownKayak 9

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:23

What an observation, Doc!

theian01 3

Sunday 9 January 2011 3:32

I always thought that. If you have no pants, you're free to go, right?

princessbits 17

Sunday 9 January 2011 5:54

It's probably because if a woman was wearing a dress she wouldn't be wearing pants.

Uscdrew1 7

Sunday 9 January 2011 7:26

26, you're wrong. They exclude the "No Pants" portion because of certain marine animals.

gabbygrace24 0

Monday 11 July 2011 1:27

lmfao i was gunna say the same thing

mmmPoptarts 6

Sunday 9 January 2011 1:51

Amazingly sexy

lizabethp 11

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:11

haha.. good ol Kansas!

WishResign 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:13

you know you wanted some of that dried, shriveled hot dog

alwa7sh 2

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:15

it's probably stevo filming jackass 4

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:20

Why are old people so creepy lately?

georggx 3

Sunday 9 January 2011 2:48

awww bless him!!

indigo1 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 3:05

dementia! dementia! dementia!!

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The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 3 104

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 746

You deserved it 3 568

The Top

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 212

You deserved it 2 492

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 2 253

Today, when I selected my classes last semester, I could have taken my required-to-graduate foreign language classes on something doable like Spanish. Instead, not knowing what I was getting into, I selected Classical Greek. It's too late to change my language and my uninformed choice is going to cost me my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 1 355

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 6 608

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 588

You deserved it 10 136

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 694

You deserved it 5 025

Same thing different taste

Wobble wobble

He needs them more than you

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