Miscellaneous: Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said...

By ilik3catz - 01/01/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 968

You deserved it 3 621

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Best teeth in the game

Broken heart

Ultimately

By "penne_pasta580802" - 23/01/2020 14:00

Today, I decided to take my car to work as I had some errands to do after. I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 560

By liLbob6598 - 10/01/2012 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 910

You deserved it 2 633

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 13 818

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 457

You deserved it 1 470

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 659

You deserved it 6 697

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 3 758

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 724

You deserved it 962

By Mandy93 - 20/12/2012 13:57 - Germany - Reipoltskirchen

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 7 676

By Glutton - 28/01/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 234

You deserved it 49 467

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 723

You deserved it 5 470

By wowjuststop - 03/10/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 910

You deserved it 2 575

By random person - 09/07/2013 17:51 - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 138

You deserved it 4 698

Sleep tight

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:30

Today, my depression caused me to sleep through my appointment to try and get more antidepressants. We love mental instability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 2 516

By Nell - 30/06/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 439

You deserved it 37 308

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 762

You deserved it 229

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 23/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Waldwick

Today, I was going to hang out with my crush and tell him how I felt, but he cancelled because I had COVID 5 months ago and his mom is afraid I’m contagious. I’m safer to hang out with because I now have antibodies and can’t transmit it. I’ve also had 4 negative tests since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 123

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 08:01

Today, the first guy I have dated, and have had a serious relationship with after my divorce, is spending the night with his ex-girlfriend. And I'm supposed to be ok with it, “nothing's going to happen.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 80

By Alex - 09/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 486

You deserved it 520

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 844

You deserved it 6 372

By Scammed - 05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 654

You deserved it 1 373

Cue Shaggy

By scully11 - 02/08/2011 18:36 - Canada

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 304

You deserved it 3 334

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 943

You deserved it 5 731

By dregmanhart - 12/01/2017 12:33

Today, I went out for a 20-minute lunch break. When I returned to the office, I noticed that my personal computer was missing. Someone had walked into the suite on the second floor and stole my computer right off its docking station, while a few of my coworkers were still in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 575

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 829

You deserved it 41 002

Storage wars

By Will - 19/08/2021 08:02

Today, I went without my phone all day, because my roommate moved it. Because I'd left it in the fridge. On top of a bucket of KFC. Which he ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 782

By Fml37 - 20/12/2009 05:13 - Canada

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 539

You deserved it 4 720

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 13:25 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 5 481

Because of him

By whytho - 19/11/2019 03:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 343

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 335

You deserved it 4 454

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:02

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 493

By guessnot - 04/02/2013 02:16 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 826

You deserved it 4 638

By stupidboys - 06/09/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 654

You deserved it 4 588

By anon - 11/10/2011 11:52 - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 3 955

By I'm stupid - 25/11/2012 15:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 582

You deserved it 37 831

By smoothies14 - 06/11/2015 17:29 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 353

You deserved it 2 417

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 758

You deserved it 7 767

By chelsea - 07/03/2011 22:23

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 511

You deserved it 13 865

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:03 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 573

You deserved it 6 220

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Top comments

utefan27 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:17

haha you just got burned by your dad

TXjuggalo972 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:21

don't worry op I actually kind of like flat chested women idk why actually I could care less

MyDogTastesBad 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:16

Big deal. Your hormones haven't kicked in.

unidentified_sta 5

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:21

She's 18... Anyhow, you got owned. Either deal with it or decide that people will still like you anyway and move on with life.

Technocidal 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 7:52

It's a joke. Stop being so sensitive. you could've responded by going "Or my dads crotch. Flat as the salt plains."

planbsponserme 2

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Saturday 1 January 2011 8:47

I <3 boobies!

nebula748 14

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Saturday 1 January 2011 11:01

Nice one 26.

yucayucatan 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:06

there are boundaries and your father ignored them. He is an ass hole.

starile 19

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Saturday 1 January 2011 14:06

YOUR DAD IS A SICK FUCK, OP. What father would talk like that about their little girl's tits? A sick fuck, that's who. *high fives the old man*

TrimKibbles 12

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Saturday 1 January 2011 15:55

my girlfriend didn't get tits til she was about 22. she was just a late starter

flakes_fml 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 15:56

I'l go get you some ice...

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Sunday 2 January 2011 6:05

76- How much did those tits cost?

LoveMySoldier82 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:04

I was a b cup after two pregnancies. An A cup in high school. Girls teased me about having small boobs, I'd say, "at least mine won't be around my knees at 40".

BluSkyNoise 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 3:58

beautiful

nason222 0

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Thursday 14 April 2011 8:47

have you ever herd of a boob job?

utefan27 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:17

haha you just got burned by your dad

xxreneexx65 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:52

Thats depressing! haha

tri1sometime22 0

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Sunday 13 November 2011 4:32

Totes depressing! Hopefully u grow some tho!!! :)

max_wilder 9

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Sunday 26 February 2012 7:23

*Kelso* BURN!!

UniUni 16

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Sunday 12 February 2017 3:34

Am I the only one who found this creepy

DishHeads 9

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:21

haha owned

Rawrzie 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:21

just stating the facts. did you want them to rant about how big your non- existent boobs are?

sabrinakay23 0

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Sunday 23 January 2011 20:47

asshole

monkeybanana 7

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Wednesday 11 May 2011 7:09

sabrinakay (and some numbers) you're right this dude is

a563 3

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Sunday 21 August 2011 20:48

"some numbers?" It's just 23!! What's wrong with you?!?!

TXjuggalo972 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 6:21

don't worry op I actually kind of like flat chested women idk why actually I could care less

thomasday 7

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Saturday 1 January 2011 9:20

anything more than a handful just goes to waste

mercedes3210 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 11:56

^ is that really true?

mzeemzima 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 13:21

I think u mean u like men no guy would want girls with flat chests unless they can't get a girl with boobs but no one would reject a girl with big/nice boobs if they had a choice

farazjaved98 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 13:23

^ well it depends what u do with it... but I prefer not too big, but in the end it doesn't matter- it's their beauty that really does, like yours... :)

farazjaved98 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 13:25

btw, I was replying to Mercedes

Jizwold 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 14:08

I decided that I actually just like ass more :) also I'm fairly sure that more men prefer ass over titties

starile 19

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Saturday 1 January 2011 14:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ilikeemsmall 4

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Saturday 1 January 2011 22:51

Yes it's true. Not everyone needs ones that will be hanging out the bottom of her shirt when she's 40.

TXjuggalo972 6

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Saturday 1 January 2011 23:08

I never said I would reject big boobs way to read and also I'm 13 not 8 your underestimating my intellect just a little bit

freakinglaugher 10

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Sunday 2 January 2011 8:24

#6 did I read it wrong, but didn't they say you were 13? I didn't see a "8" within any of the comments. Now I find it ironic that you said not to insult your intelligence. lol troll face!

chili10 18

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Sunday 2 January 2011 10:18

69, I'm an a cup (not flat, just small) and my boyfriend thinks I got the right size. not every guy wants big boobs.

macskapingvin 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 12:04

Anything bigger than C is just blegh for me. Tastes vary, but I've never found big breasts to be appealing. They just don't look right.

TXjuggalo972 6

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Monday 3 January 2011 3:55

ok I'll put to you this way 102 what im saying is that they should not just say oh he's ONLY 13 like I'm some kind of dumb fuck

youngmoney14 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 6:05

no you should still feel like shit for having small tits

vyzhyn 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 11:00

^it's people like you that need to contract a flesh-eating virus and die! all women deserve to feel beautiful, you dumb frat-fuck!

roflrawrlol 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 4:59

13 year olds shouldn't be reading this! :o how much intellect do you really have? hell, when I was 13 I was dumb as a post...

manatees_r_epic 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 1:03

147- Not to brag, but I'm 13 and I know how many chromosones a mule has. So not every 13 year old is dumb.

AwkwardNinja22 5

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Tuesday 16 August 2011 2:08

I wasn't aware mules had chromosones. Please, elaborate more.

monstaber 6

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Tuesday 6 December 2011 7:13

61 I disagree completely. I like flat chested women because 1) boobs are boobs and 2) there are a LOT more things to look for in a woman than the size of her tits. Love > infatuation. (I'm 15, just so you all know.)

riax 9

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Friday 8 June 2012 5:39

Whether he prefers flat, small or big boobs, a good man will prefer to be with the girl even more, and make her feel beautiful no matter what, because that's what she is to him