Intimacy: Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the...

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 546

You deserved it 5 774

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Same thing different taste

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 747

You deserved it 4 553

By lonerjik - 19/01/2011 12:05 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 245

You deserved it 10 810

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 3 417

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 4 478

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 172

You deserved it 6 711

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 634

You deserved it 10 041

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 378

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 2 575

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 956

You deserved it 818

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 271

amayakitty 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:08

wow, what a bitch, she should've kept it to herself, then.

smr167 6

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:08

sucks to be you

Comments

dudeitsdanny 9

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:31

Fyl for having a girlfriend who shares this stuff. And fyl for the pricks who will say YDI for being a lesbian. They always come.

Simoneaux17 11

Tuesday 25 June 2013 23:19

**** you.

Freeze_fml 16

Sunday 25 July 2010 19:32

Must have involved bacon.

AlexisSilver 10

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:05

DISS

Son_of_Helghan 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:11

follow the captains advice, all will be okay if you listen to him captain- nice dog

Salaminizer 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:21

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to get up out dis car and CHOKE-A-BITCH?!"

STYLE_E 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:46

haha chapelles show FTW!!

956TXking 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:30

lol I was watching that yesterday

xACIDDx 0

Monday 26 July 2010 5:26

"Oh shit! it's Wayne Brady!"

Hwikek 2

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:31

WOW

Jazzyj152 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:13

@13 its not possible

FatalWedgie 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:14

I realize that now, my bad. knock her out and fill her with ketchup then.

fisheatsbear 6

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:35

lol ketchup

iamepiclee 3

Sunday 25 July 2010 21:33

haha that was so not nice :)

kelsay333 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 22:41

lol. I'd do the same thing to her the next day.

captainPIRATEche 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 23:09

aha that sucks! but I bet u the dream ws probably about Johnny depp, he's hella sexy!!! mmhm mhm mhm mhm mhm...!

Keywords

Awkward Love Work Relatable Students Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Health Cheating Friends Teenagers Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Weird Miscellaneous Job interview Social Media Jealousy

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Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 424

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 21 832

The Top

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 232

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 661

You deserved it 328

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn't. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won't even get to wear this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 011

You deserved it 6 978

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 8 417

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 136

Today, I really upset my housemates when I opened my bedroom door to find them - and their friends - doing meth. At 2 a.m. on a Monday. I didn't even say anything, but it's drama and I just want to sleep. I start back at work in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 104

Same thing different taste

Night terror

Poor pillow

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