Today, I tried to look cool while playing beer pong. Instead,...

By Baddrunk - 4/9/2018 09:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to look cool while playing beer pong. Instead, I slipped violently on a puddle of spilled beer, threw my drink over the person next to me and on the ground, and then fell face-first into the mess I made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1919

1205

Proactive

Work name

Headache

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41973

You deserved it

11337

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28733

You deserved it

6478

Favorite

By anonymous - 16/6/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36414

You deserved it

3031

Favorite

By Tickettoride - 4/5/2013 10:24 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43929

You deserved it

16205

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 06:35

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

987

You deserved it

2779

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2013 08:49 - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53444

You deserved it

4225

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/6/2012 19:34 - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29578

You deserved it

6737

Favorite

By Fack. - 19/2/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47861

You deserved it

8565

Favorite

By flea-bitten - 6/4/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48171

You deserved it

4371

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74674

You deserved it

9517

Favorite

By ko - 9/12/2012 00:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27934

You deserved it

2146

Favorite

By JubileeBee - 28/9/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32235

You deserved it

2392

Favorite

By Username - 26/9/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26689

You deserved it

2359

Favorite

By boytoy - 2/9/2009 21:23 - Canada

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43987

You deserved it

18855

Favorite

By popeye - 25/2/2010 15:18 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24001

You deserved it

5319

Favorite

By Lisa - 19/8/2018 23:30

Forever Alone

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2779

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26922

You deserved it

10849

Favorite

By Sissyleemae - 16/9/2018 14:30

Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2926

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34146

You deserved it

7834

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29409

You deserved it

3419

Favorite

By DL06 - 8/4/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74306

You deserved it

12484

Favorite

By happymum - 30/9/2011 11:10 - Netherlands

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28111

You deserved it

2538

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2013 18:25 - United States - Unionville

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28987

You deserved it

38471

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47614

You deserved it

6821

Favorite

By rachel - 10/8/2013 20:56 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56253

You deserved it

3798

Favorite

By Snowzies - 6/1/2010 13:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37842

You deserved it

2286

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/1/2015 08:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38965

You deserved it

3505

Favorite

By misshb - 18/1/2010 01:26 - United Kingdom

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12120

You deserved it

22592

Favorite

By anonymous - 28/5/2013 00:56 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46728

You deserved it

15134

Favorite

By Jodie Zawadzka - 20/10/2017 06:00

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2932

You deserved it

1290

Favorite

By jrad - 8/9/2010 19:23 - United States

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66615

You deserved it

3535

Favorite

By fjsinedniend - 28/10/2015 01:52 - United States - Missoula

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24432

You deserved it

2191

Favorite

By .............. - 20/7/2013 17:43 - Germany - Wadgassen

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43082

You deserved it

9400

Favorite

By nopenopenopenope - 23/9/2016 03:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10571

You deserved it

2425

Favorite

By NoThanks - 11/5/2018 01:30

How kind...

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4250

You deserved it

299

Favorite

By birthday_loser - 23/1/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46196

You deserved it

3728

Favorite

By frustrated - 3/9/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19537

You deserved it

4785

Favorite

By phone-less - 17/12/2015 02:47 - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20119

You deserved it

7477

Favorite

By Kammy - 1/3/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a Tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no-liquids rule. They took out a bottle of Massage Oil, Lube, Vagasil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27733

You deserved it

70133

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1090

You deserved it

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7687487 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 3:35

So you telling me that you were playing beer pong and weren't looking cool?

By Charlie Given | 21

#7687504 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 4:48

Well did ya make the shot or not 😏

Comments

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7687487 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 3:35

So you telling me that you were playing beer pong and weren't looking cool?

By Charlie Given | 21

#7687504 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 4:48

Well did ya make the shot or not 😏

By WeirdUS | 29

#7687673 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 15:08

did you run up to the table? Were you dancing in place while taking your shot? How you managed to slip violently in a puddle of beer I'm not sure. If you are that uncoordinated maybe don't drink alcohol.

By Abbusser | 9

#7687801 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 20:08

And all while looking cool...

By TheSminty1 | 17

#7687851 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:36

You lost me at:"I tried to look cool while playing beer pong"

By OnReceivingEnd | 14

#7695344 - Tuesday 18 September 2018 18:14

All you needed to say was, "Alcohol was involved." And it's your fault.