Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well...

By theshad - 10/9/2010 06:28 - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9916

You deserved it

28613

Favorite

Work

British Broadcasting Corporation

Delayed proposal

Vultures

By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33908

You deserved it

5192

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/10/2014 03:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32305

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 00:01 - United States

Criminal Minds

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2498

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 03:46 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23333

You deserved it

4803

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2011 20:31 - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41678

You deserved it

6503

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30571

You deserved it

8373

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29925

You deserved it

6508

Favorite

By gallstones - 9/7/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54100

You deserved it

3814

Favorite

By joy - 7/2/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38324

You deserved it

4988

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28952

You deserved it

4062

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/3/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53444

You deserved it

10484

Favorite

By RhuLynette - 31/8/2011 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26566

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43230

You deserved it

4133

Favorite

By SSS - 14/2/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother put a sign on my car saying, "No baby on board, feel free to drive into me." Somebody did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1980

You deserved it

195

Favorite

By long day - 12/11/2013 20:29 - United States - Bay City

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47562

You deserved it

3858

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 06:39 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27126

You deserved it

1863

Favorite

By oh no - 22/6/2015 20:58 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27339

You deserved it

5224

Favorite

By Originality18 - 24/2/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51268

You deserved it

7791

Favorite

By Smirky - 13/2/2017 02:30 - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6543

You deserved it

1682

Favorite

By Brian - 26/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20671

You deserved it

10402

Favorite

By Megz - 2/1/2013 17:38 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36103

You deserved it

2723

Favorite

By vacationless - 5/2/2013 19:35 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34005

You deserved it

2645

Favorite

By Rosie - 28/7/2018 05:00

Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3918

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By BlueB - 6/7/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51727

You deserved it

20805

Favorite

By bloodless - 5/1/2016 05:17 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22168

You deserved it

1494

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43711

You deserved it

4204

Favorite

By boringhusband - 8/5/2016 14:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10597

You deserved it

1476

Favorite

By Stupid - 1/3/2019 04:00

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2395

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By xxbobsan - 21/4/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47587

You deserved it

5489

Favorite

By Kevin - 21/5/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2154

You deserved it

371

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 00:01 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By liz - 8/3/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24487

You deserved it

2573

Favorite

By goodlkjh - 24/4/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2665

You deserved it

266

Favorite

By LP - 16/2/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29504

You deserved it

2352

Favorite

By Darin Greenwood - 22/7/2019 14:00

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

2157

Favorite

By myself - 9/2/2015 13:32 - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40271

You deserved it

4515

Favorite

By icefly - 29/7/2016 15:39 - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16292

You deserved it

1060

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/6/2016 20:06 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14475

You deserved it

957

Favorite

By Baconcook3000 - 23/7/2011 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50694

You deserved it

6128

Favorite

By Bobby The Baker - 3/4/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1940

You deserved it

397

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By ShallowWerewolf | 0

#1383200 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

BOOM! Headshot! Sorry, had to.

COMMENTS

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1383107 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

who's gonna get firedddd?

MagneticGuitar | 0

#1383252 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:39

Incoming promotion i say!

mmfwcl8D | 0

#1383477 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:02

wow..
sucks for you.. :(

#1 is hot (:

Specterk50 | 0

#1383506 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:13

that's why I use click pens...I like to be annoying and click them a lot

Dragons_corner | 6

#1383889 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

if I was your boss I would be laughing.

KingDingALing | 9

#1384334 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:49

Shut up 33. Bite my shiny metal ass :p

pooponyuou | 0

#1385857 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:22

good shot!!!

barbara_jude_wee_fml | 0

#1388213 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:11

would you like some EPIC with that FAIL

By GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383109 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

haha. PAY ATTENTION!

NightSkyx | 0

#1383435 - Friday 10 September 2010 17:48

I'll say it before someone else does. BOOM Headshot!

OAN: shoulda said you were just trying your new pen to see if it clicks rughtc

By Bloodknight | 22

#1383114 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:01

Oh yeah, you totally deserved that one!

goodoldave | 17

#3940023 - Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:35

GOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!

By alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383122 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:03

better start to Jon hunt again. dumbass

nickwest | 0

#1383174 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:21

well I don't think Jon would like that to much and it's against the law lol but you got a point he could give it try lol.

FFML_314 | 11

#1383194 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:27

Aha, I went Jon hunting last night. I forgot how much fun it was.
Jon runs and I...well I point and shoot.

alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383203 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

hahah. funny

GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383206 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

use traps. it's a lot more fun to watch them squirm. lol

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1383886 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

Aah, Jon hunting... the world's oldest profession.

nickwest | 0

#1384414 - Friday 10 September 2010 22:16

poor Jon!!!!!!

Turock27 | 7

#3864356 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:56

Who's the dumbass now? Is it jon?

Blackhawk706 | 23

#5881867 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 5:59

Please explain "Jon Hunting"

By lblikk | 0

#1383127 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:04

oh you asshole

By Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1383144 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

well, time to look for a new job...

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By catatonicsleep | 17

#1383148 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:13

I'm guessing your boss doesn't have a sense of humor for these sort of things....

By nickwest | 0

#1383163 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:19

bummer better luck next time eyyhh??? YDI

By krystalrocks195 | 0

#1383196 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:28

man I agree that sucks but you still deserved it!