Work: Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well...

By theshad - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

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Work

Coherence dude, do you have it?

You can't win

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/2/2021 00:30

Sandwiches rule

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

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21154

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

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7669

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By biggirlsdocry - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

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30214

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By Rekt - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

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By damnbananas - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ozark

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

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By dollarstorepwnr - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

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By soliveyerlife - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

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By Kate - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

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By yeah - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

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By aceshot97 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

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30412

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By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

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23631

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML

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By liz - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

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By me - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

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26986

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By awkwardballer

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

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By cookyourowndamndinner - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

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5959

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

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By toosmall

Today I got a $60 parking ticket for not paying the $2.50 pay-to-park fee. I checked my bank records, which proved that I'd paid the fee, for the correct space too. The problem is the ticket is too small to contest in traffic court. FML

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12647

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By kai - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

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By bman - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

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By leah - 6/2/2021 00:00 - United States - Denver

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

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By blizzard_of_77 - United States

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet... directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

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29231

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

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By 1942ford - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

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By crackie - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

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22632

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By Lisa

Forever Alone

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

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2817

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By Marie - 20/1/2021 05:01

Freaky

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

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By Catie - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

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By MissAnonymous93 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

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Top comments

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By ShallowWerewolf | 0

#1383200 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

BOOM! Headshot! Sorry, had to.

COMMENTS

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1383107 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

who's gonna get firedddd?

MagneticGuitar | 0

#1383252 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:39

Incoming promotion i say!

mmfwcl8D | 0

#1383477 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:02

wow..
sucks for you.. :(

#1 is hot (:

Specterk50 | 0

#1383506 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:13

that's why I use click pens...I like to be annoying and click them a lot

Dragons_corner | 6

#1383889 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

if I was your boss I would be laughing.

KingDingALing | 9

#1384334 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:49

Shut up 33. Bite my shiny metal ass :p

pooponyuou | 0

#1385857 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:22

good shot!!!

barbara_jude_wee_fml | 0

#1388213 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:11

would you like some EPIC with that FAIL

By GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383109 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

haha. PAY ATTENTION!

NightSkyx | 0

#1383435 - Friday 10 September 2010 17:48

I'll say it before someone else does. BOOM Headshot!

OAN: shoulda said you were just trying your new pen to see if it clicks rughtc

By Bloodknight | 22

#1383114 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:01

Oh yeah, you totally deserved that one!

goodoldave | 17

#3940023 - Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:35

GOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!

By alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383122 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:03

better start to Jon hunt again. dumbass

nickwest | 0

#1383174 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:21

well I don't think Jon would like that to much and it's against the law lol but you got a point he could give it try lol.

FFML_314 | 11

#1383194 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:27

Aha, I went Jon hunting last night. I forgot how much fun it was.
Jon runs and I...well I point and shoot.

alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383203 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

hahah. funny

GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383206 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

use traps. it's a lot more fun to watch them squirm. lol

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1383886 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

Aah, Jon hunting... the world's oldest profession.

nickwest | 0

#1384414 - Friday 10 September 2010 22:16

poor Jon!!!!!!

Turock27 | 7

#3864356 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:56

Who's the dumbass now? Is it jon?

Blackhawk706 | 23

#5881867 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 5:59

Please explain "Jon Hunting"

By lblikk | 0

#1383127 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:04

oh you asshole

By Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1383144 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

well, time to look for a new job...

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By catatonicsleep | 17

#1383148 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:13

I'm guessing your boss doesn't have a sense of humor for these sort of things....

By nickwest | 0

#1383163 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:19

bummer better luck next time eyyhh??? YDI

By krystalrocks195 | 0

#1383196 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:28

man I agree that sucks but you still deserved it!