Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well...

By theshad - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

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Work

Surprise strike

Shark-infested offices

Thanks Felicia

By FuglyBetty - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

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By dazedandconfused - United Kingdom - Dorking

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

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By brighteyes - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

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35575

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML

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By aianmoo16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

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By messyvictor - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

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33299

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By dead_painter - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

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By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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By DogBeater - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

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By jess - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

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By 42 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

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By Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople - United States - Houston

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

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By downinthedumps - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 11:02

Join in the fun

Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML

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273

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

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12275

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By ren - United States

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

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29301

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By BrokeAF

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

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By f03_f0r_l1f3 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

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By soconfused - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I have been at my new job for almost a month and still have no idea what I'm doing. FML

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29251

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By Spider fail - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

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10639

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By samsonity - 15/9/2020 17:02

It never rains, it pours

Today, I woke up knowing I'd done all my homework, so I'd have the day free. My dad calls me into his room to tell me that I have 3 outstanding exam papers to hand in this week. It was summer homework, set by my school's online learning website that I didn’t know it existed. FML

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By Stevie - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

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By fml9124 - 20/3/2020 18:00

Quick reflexes

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

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1478

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

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By siciliano12594 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

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By allgassedout - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

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By Rae - 25/10/2020 08:02

Pants on fire

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

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By -- - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

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32739

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By Anonymous

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

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896

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By SweptWolf - 6/6/2020 23:02

Doomed

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

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By a - United States - Clarksville

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

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By FMlovelife - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

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35643

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By RhuLynette - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

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26578

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 14:00

The Shining

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old twin brothers yet again. I began to get desperate when they took my phone and would start crying every time I tried to take it back. My mother found me thirty minutes later, huddled in a corner, crying. I'm 27 years old. FML

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By twilight zone - 9/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Backwards

Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML

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By lylethomes15 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

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129451

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By FMe - United Kingdom

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

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Top comments

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By ShallowWerewolf | 0

#1383200 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

BOOM! Headshot! Sorry, had to.

COMMENTS

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1383107 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

who's gonna get firedddd?

MagneticGuitar | 0

#1383252 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:39

Incoming promotion i say!

mmfwcl8D | 0

#1383477 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:02

wow..
sucks for you.. :(

#1 is hot (:

Specterk50 | 0

#1383506 - Friday 10 September 2010 18:13

that's why I use click pens...I like to be annoying and click them a lot

Dragons_corner | 6

#1383889 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

if I was your boss I would be laughing.

KingDingALing | 9

#1384334 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:49

Shut up 33. Bite my shiny metal ass :p

pooponyuou | 0

#1385857 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:22

good shot!!!

barbara_jude_wee_fml | 0

#1388213 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:11

would you like some EPIC with that FAIL

By GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383109 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

haha. PAY ATTENTION!

NightSkyx | 0

#1383435 - Friday 10 September 2010 17:48

I'll say it before someone else does. BOOM Headshot!

OAN: shoulda said you were just trying your new pen to see if it clicks rughtc

By Bloodknight | 22

#1383114 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:01

Oh yeah, you totally deserved that one!

goodoldave | 17

#3940023 - Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:35

GOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!

By alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383122 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:03

better start to Jon hunt again. dumbass

nickwest | 0

#1383174 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:21

well I don't think Jon would like that to much and it's against the law lol but you got a point he could give it try lol.

FFML_314 | 11

#1383194 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:27

Aha, I went Jon hunting last night. I forgot how much fun it was.
Jon runs and I...well I point and shoot.

alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1383203 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

hahah. funny

GrEaT_BaMbInO | 0

#1383206 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

use traps. it's a lot more fun to watch them squirm. lol

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1383886 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

Aah, Jon hunting... the world's oldest profession.

nickwest | 0

#1384414 - Friday 10 September 2010 22:16

poor Jon!!!!!!

Turock27 | 7

#3864356 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:56

Who's the dumbass now? Is it jon?

Blackhawk706 | 23

#5881867 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 5:59

Please explain "Jon Hunting"

By lblikk | 0

#1383127 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:04

oh you asshole

By Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1383144 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

well, time to look for a new job...

By FFML_314 | 11

#1383146 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting.
Apparently he farted and laughed about it.

Try and keep your composure, OP.

By catatonicsleep | 17

#1383148 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:13

I'm guessing your boss doesn't have a sense of humor for these sort of things....

By nickwest | 0

#1383163 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:19

bummer better luck next time eyyhh??? YDI

By krystalrocks195 | 0

#1383196 - Friday 10 September 2010 16:28

man I agree that sucks but you still deserved it!