Work: Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well...

By theshad - 10/09/2010 06:28 - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 935

You deserved it 28 648

Work

Hiding from the drama

This Charming Man

BO Central

By Dick the Greater - 25/10/2013 22:08

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 193

You deserved it 10 299

By :^( - 07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 119

You deserved it 3 186

By User06606 - 29/09/2009 11:31 - United States

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 375

You deserved it 6 253

By whoops - 02/09/2016 14:49 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 538

You deserved it 6 059

By Anonymous - 03/05/2019 02:00

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 465

By I suck :( - 07/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 62 780

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 21:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 217

You deserved it 2 387

By shit_fer_luck - 16/12/2014 16:35 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 554

You deserved it 2 523

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 294

By "lonely-mind" - 04/09/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 17:04 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 156

By dumb dancer - 05/12/2014 01:54 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 602

You deserved it 5 885

By re2K5 - 25/07/2009 16:39 - Korea Republic of

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 117

You deserved it 28 606

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 2 315

By christinabear - 15/04/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 852

You deserved it 88 704

By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 107

You deserved it 17 736

By Stolemylady - 04/06/2012 07:05 - Australia

Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 249

You deserved it 6 767

By clumsy - 26/11/2015 05:35 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 29 638

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 13:05 - United States

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 309

You deserved it 41 232

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 02:20 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 399

You deserved it 7 074

By Anon - 07/11/2009 00:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 777

You deserved it 6 075

By Cano951 - 16/12/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 2 594

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 2 262

By live2dance4ever - 06/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 442

You deserved it 6 315

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 148

You deserved it 65 059

By anonymous - 06/07/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 544

You deserved it 1 970

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 309

You deserved it 3 557

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:49 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 4 885

By Talvesh - 15/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 943

You deserved it 2 140

By lilmamma - 05/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 120

You deserved it 50 269

By cutthroatkait - 05/08/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 698

You deserved it 2 998

By haqL - 15/11/2013 22:51 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 481

You deserved it 4 880

By Sad - 01/03/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 182

You deserved it 309 398

By shadow1248 - 27/05/2012 05:06 - United States - Stamford

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 3 035

By hudd357mag - 06/02/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 104

You deserved it 2 438

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 119

Denied

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 07:58 - United States - Redmond

Today, my girlfriend, who live 30 minutes away, asked me over late at night. When I got there, she turned me around and kicked me out because she "wasn’t feeling it." I’m 29 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 236

Droning on

By macone - 24/04/2021 21:30

Today, a colleague crashed a drone into my almost brand new car. I even asked him before if it was OK to park there or if I should better park somewhere else, and he said, "No problem" and bragged about being the best drone pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 111

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Top comments

FFML_314 11

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting. Apparently he farted and laughed about it. Try and keep your composure, OP.

ShallowWerewolf 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

BOOM! Headshot! Sorry, had to.

rottentomatoes 7

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

who's gonna get firedddd?

MagneticGuitar 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:39

Incoming promotion i say!

mmfwcl8D 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 18:02

wow.. sucks for you.. :( #1 is hot (:

Specterk50 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 18:13

that's why I use click pens...I like to be annoying and click them a lot

Dragons_corner 6

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Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

if I was your boss I would be laughing.

KingDingALing 9

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Friday 10 September 2010 21:49

Shut up 33. Bite my shiny metal ass :p

pooponyuou 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 4:22

good shot!!!

barbara_jude_wee_fml 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 18:11

would you like some EPIC with that FAIL

GrEaT_BaMbInO 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:00

haha. PAY ATTENTION!

NightSkyx 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 17:48

I'll say it before someone else does. BOOM Headshot! OAN: shoulda said you were just trying your new pen to see if it clicks rughtc

Bloodknight 22

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:01

Oh yeah, you totally deserved that one!

goodoldave 17

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:35

GOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!

alexbeathalo2 4

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:03

better start to Jon hunt again. dumbass

nickwest 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:21

well I don't think Jon would like that to much and it's against the law lol but you got a point he could give it try lol.

FFML_314 11

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:27

Aha, I went Jon hunting last night. I forgot how much fun it was. Jon runs and I...well I point and shoot.

alexbeathalo2 4

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

hahah. funny

GrEaT_BaMbInO 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:30

use traps. it's a lot more fun to watch them squirm. lol

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Friday 10 September 2010 19:41

Aah, Jon hunting... the world's oldest profession.

nickwest 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 22:16

poor Jon!!!!!!

Turock27 7

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:56

Who's the dumbass now? Is it jon?

Blackhawk706 23

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 5:59

Please explain "Jon Hunting"

lblikk 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:04

oh you asshole

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

well, time to look for a new job...

FFML_314 11

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:11

Aha, my boyfriend was let go the day after a meeting. Apparently he farted and laughed about it. Try and keep your composure, OP.

catatonicsleep 17

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:13

I'm guessing your boss doesn't have a sense of humor for these sort of things....

nickwest 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:19

bummer better luck next time eyyhh??? YDI

krystalrocks195 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 16:28

man I agree that sucks but you still deserved it!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 255

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 179

What goes up…

Thanks, I hate it!

Denied

Droning on

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