Animals: A Bugs Bunny Baptism

A Bugs Bunny Baptism

By Anonymous - 05/08/2017 05:00 - Netherlands

Today, my new bunny was uncharacteristically sitting happily on my lap when I began to feel a spreading, warm sensation. At the same time, my boyfriend picked up the bunny and in the process sprayed me from head to toe with urine as well as our couch and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580

You deserved it 557

Animals

Side effects

Your cooking, dude

Stand up guy

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 098

You deserved it 3 462

By thebigpeezy - 27/05/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 097

You deserved it 2 964

By djkimmaz - 03/12/2011 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 642

You deserved it 3 358

By PntsLessWonder - 01/12/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 170

You deserved it 39 956

Priorities

By Forever sad - 06/10/2011 00:55 - United States

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 660

You deserved it 4 621

Smart kid

By outsmarted by a 5/yo - 10/05/2021 04:00

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 669

By CircleBruise - 08/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 5 861

By Anonymous - 07/09/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 363

You deserved it 2 835

By feistychick - 25/04/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 054

You deserved it 2 746

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 252

You deserved it 8 693

By Forever Alone x2 - 07/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 994

You deserved it 4 061

By unknown - 17/12/2012 11:37 - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 6 849

By imaqtb - 09/09/2010 03:35 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 600

You deserved it 37 481

By Username - 25/11/2012 23:36 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 1 885

Hiya!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 809

You deserved it 40 580

Emotions on shuffle mode

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 22:58

Today, I've been single for years because I felt I could never trust anyone again. I finally opened up to someone, after she told me how much she'd loved me for quite a while. Now she ignores me like I don't even exist. Crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 14 150

By NonBelieber - 18/09/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 773

You deserved it 3 069

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 04:00

Today, someone sent a dick pic to my 16-year-old, lesbian daughter. She handed me her phone and asked, "What is that, a naked mole rat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 601

You deserved it 911

The Intruder

By sad_unicorn - 19/04/2017 06:00 - Australia - Yagoona

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 978

By JackSteely - 22/12/2011 12:04

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 827

You deserved it 2 818

By TheAngryBird - 28/06/2012 04:51 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 336

You deserved it 2 698

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 479

My package

By Nikki - 20/11/2019 05:00

Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 677

By Nearly Crashed - 27/05/2013 13:42 - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 382

You deserved it 9 066

By JJ - 21/03/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 337

You deserved it 9 412

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 901

You deserved it 2 555

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 495

You deserved it 31 668

By owowowow - 24/07/2010 01:30 - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 7 576

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 19:51 - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 2 842

By Anonymous - 27/08/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 884

You deserved it 5 181

By Anonymous - 17/02/2014 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 104

You deserved it 4 437

By American idol - 06/04/2011 06:19

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 596

You deserved it 36 885

By sharee - 19/12/2015 20:51 - United States - Providence

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 2 101

By Ya_I_said_it - 26/07/2016 15:31

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 522

You deserved it 1 484

By nikki - 04/08/2012 20:05 - Greece - K

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 870

You deserved it 36 349

Left hanging

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 224

By anonymas - 29/01/2010 15:29 - Norway

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 544

You deserved it 3 615

By RatQuiRit - 13/10/2008 08:21

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 700

You deserved it 15 876

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Top comments

DataWog 29

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Saturday 5 August 2017 7:33

Yeah, you really gotta be careful with pets being uncharacteristically still... my mouse did that once, and when I stopped reading to see what she was doing, I found 4 babies on my belly. Which she ended up eating.

sweetbliss3 37

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Saturday 5 August 2017 6:10

which part is your brain incapable of understanding? pretty self explanatory. bunny peed, bf picked up peeing bunny, gf got peed on more than original place. whew! that was hard.

Chris Smith 9

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Saturday 5 August 2017 5:15

Wait....What?????

sweetbliss3 37

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Saturday 5 August 2017 6:10

which part is your brain incapable of understanding? pretty self explanatory. bunny peed, bf picked up peeing bunny, gf got peed on more than original place. whew! that was hard.

Bubbles77777 11

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Saturday 5 August 2017 6:37

Mean much?

Chris Smith 9

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Saturday 5 August 2017 20:09

Yep, sorry. Being on FML in the early morning my brain misinterpreted it as someone else peeing on her. But thanks for the help on clarifying the situation! I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to figure it out without your help.

species4872 19

Saturday 5 August 2017 6:42

Ur ine trekking to new experiences and adventures by the sounds of it.

DataWog 29

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Saturday 5 August 2017 7:33

Mathalamus 24

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Saturday 5 August 2017 12:08

Well, that can't be pleasant to know...

DataWog 29

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Monday 7 August 2017 13:45

It was pretty unpleasant, yes. Especially since she only ate the heads. You can imagine how upsetting that might have been to an 8 year old hoping to see a nest full of adorable baby animals.