Today, I found out why I've had cockroaches in my bathroom -...

By sup - Canada - Chicoutimi

Today, I found out why I've had cockroaches in my bathroom - my landlord didn't bother to finish the wall behind my bathroom sink. There are literally holes that go straight from my bathroom to the garage downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1704

You deserved it

103

Favorite

You tried

Dementia or hate? You decide

Weirdo geek freaks out

By Groomzilla? - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35823

You deserved it

3980

Favorite

By joeshmoe - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34240

You deserved it

25701

Favorite

By tax-man - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38209

You deserved it

9079

Favorite

By NotAMorningPerson - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29464

You deserved it

4036

Favorite

By sleepingonthetoilet - United States - Birmingham

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4161

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30905

You deserved it

3561

Favorite

By Nope - China

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7368

You deserved it

23918

Favorite

By Anonymous

Boom, headshot!

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1817

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By burned - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19065

You deserved it

63935

Favorite

By woodre - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35088

You deserved it

6159

Favorite

By ouch - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10601

You deserved it

119946

Favorite

By AnonymousAndSad - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47672

You deserved it

7822

Favorite

By Lmop68 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41963

You deserved it

17296

Favorite

By Toodamnold - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5437

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23799

You deserved it

3210

Favorite

By impatient amy - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26802

You deserved it

2852

Favorite

By fucksake - Malaysia - Seri Kembangan

Almost there

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45140

You deserved it

4648

Favorite

By Dehydrated - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30378

You deserved it

2736

Favorite

By hornyloser - United States

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17846

You deserved it

70091

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27570

You deserved it

11311

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Supply and demand

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

827

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21148

You deserved it

36540

Favorite

By panther of the desert - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36041

You deserved it

2181

Favorite

By Thepunchline - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37129

You deserved it

4202

Favorite

By misspukesalot - 14/7/2020 14:02

Two-way street

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1662

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By Lucy - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26906

You deserved it

2579

Favorite

By Anonymous

Burden

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1122

You deserved it

762

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54079

You deserved it

4850

Favorite

By FenderBender - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11482

You deserved it

43451

Favorite

By anxiety - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24119

You deserved it

10313

Favorite

By Username - Australia

Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36615

You deserved it

4909

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43520

You deserved it

2986

Favorite

By rita

Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3730

You deserved it

741

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22041

You deserved it

46071

Favorite

By Anonymous

Inappropriate crush

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1341

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By lsta - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55952

You deserved it

4409

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2021 02:01

Thanks dad

Today, I found out why the only business in town that operates in my chosen industry won’t hire me. Several months ago, my father antagonised the owner, bringing up my name in the process. I haven’t spoken to the man in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

846

You deserved it

Favorite

By NotKeithRichards - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12231

You deserved it

28554

Favorite

By mama bear

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1377

You deserved it

299

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By weeping_willow | 25

#7817343 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 5:10

If you have roaches in one room, you have them throughout your house.
Call an exterminator, and send the bill to your landlord.

By mackdeezy | 21

#7817341 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 5:02

Well, if you've seen the last story of Creepshow, you know how persistent those fuckers can be.

COMMENTS

By mackdeezy | 21

#7817341 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 5:02

Well, if you've seen the last story of Creepshow, you know how persistent those fuckers can be.

By weeping_willow | 25

#7817343 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 5:10

If you have roaches in one room, you have them throughout your house.
Call an exterminator, and send the bill to your landlord.

By Memnoc | 26

#7817475 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 12:51

Look up slumlord laws in your area. You may be able to get a lot of your rent back, and not have to pay until the infestation is taken care of.

By IrieStorm | 9

#7817547 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 18:17

Trust me, the roaches are not just in the bathroom and garage, they're everywhere. If you see one, there are a lot more you don't see. Call an exterminator.