Miscellaneous: Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi...

By Mcwifi - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

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Miscellaneous

Unimpressed

Nags

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By Jade - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

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43932

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By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

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59572

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By Darling_Cherry - United States

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

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30063

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4080

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By embareassed - United States

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

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6680

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

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39001

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By G-6

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

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14046

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By PineappleOfMyEye

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

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2136

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

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74247

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By Noname - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

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36099

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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19271

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By longing for emancipation - United States - Mitchell

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

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14658

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By Mintspice - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

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3935

Phew, glad it wasn't me

591

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By HOe HOe HOe - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

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36943

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

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28826

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By bigbill - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

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39265

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By Anonymous

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

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6300

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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42128

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By lonelygirl - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

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25396

You deserved it

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By klala - Reserved

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML

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37079

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By Jigll

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

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12644

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By Noname - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

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34015

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9159

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By Fml

Today, a co-worker called in sick due to a family emergency. I ended up working an unplanned 12-hour overnight shift. After I clocked out, I dragged myself out to the parking lot to go home. Someone had smeared tacos all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4364

You deserved it

198

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By harrington61 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

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51195

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By Numbnuts - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

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11285

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By screwedwoman27 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

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38899

You deserved it

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By gunnerdog - United States - Galveston

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

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45086

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By unengaged - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

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46179

You deserved it

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By themarrowguy - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

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49061

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

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29811

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By hatemyboss - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

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10550

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By Mina

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

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1641

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

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56025

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By joe - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

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11416

You deserved it

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By DezyCoCo - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10123

You deserved it

2541

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By Preggie - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35794

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By Sabraynay

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40879

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13412

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7291

You deserved it

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By shit - United States - South Holland

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

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25071

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Top comments

By jubejube239 | 24

#6585806 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:00

Hey, at least you had wifi, right?

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6585807 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:01

Sorry about the traffic, but hey, at least you weren't the most bored of those who were stuck!

COMMENTS

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6585805 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:00

What was the podcast about?

stingray112 | 24

#6585886 - Friday 22 April 2016 4:51

Contagious, very contagious

aleyp63 | 13

#6585896 - Friday 22 April 2016 5:05

I hope its Armin Van Buuren podcast

Steve97 | 32

#6585926 - Friday 22 April 2016 6:06

Better be the Roosterteeth podcast

writergirl1029 | 17

#6586177 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:07

I would say Stuff You Should Know, but they're usually longer than 30 minutes.

By jubejube239 | 24

#6585806 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:00

Hey, at least you had wifi, right?

UserError94 | 18

#6585838 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:51

Right? Should have thrown on some Netflix and chill

Noelletakumi | 36

#6585942 - Friday 22 April 2016 6:48

Yeah no kidding, at least he had something to do!

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6585807 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:01

Sorry about the traffic, but hey, at least you weren't the most bored of those who were stuck!

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6585812 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:04

which one

By sa5v | 21

#6585815 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:07

The wifi sounds like a pleasant bonus, but sorry about the traffic op!

By purelymixed | 17

#6585816 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:07

Damn you're a genius, that's what you call making the best out of a bad situation. There should a medal or some shit for that.

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6585818 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:09

Still better than Walmart's wifi

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6585819 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:09

I applaud you, that's actually a really good idea! #lifehacks

By Tripartita | 44

#6585824 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:15

Sounds like you might've inadvertently starred in a McDonald's commercial.

Now look to your left and say, "I'm lovin' it!"

By chicagossirish | 7

#6585831 - Friday 22 April 2016 3:28

it was long and hard journey but the WiFi held out against all odds if it didn't arrive we would have resorted to cannibalism