Money and Transportation: Mamma Mia! - FML

By time to move out... mom! - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, an informal lender came, greeting me a good morning with an "I'm here to take that car in your garage." Appalled, I demanded an explanation. Apparently, Mom took a rather substantial loan from him 3 months ago, paid him ziltch, and declared the car as collateral. It's my wife's car. FML

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Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2020 05:01

Me is what matters

Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML

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By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

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By Tired

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML

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By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

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By Rebecca2135

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

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By OverWorked1 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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By Lesbian and proud, nana

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

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By fmmmmlll - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

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By smurftastic - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

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By murphy22 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 30/5/2020 02:00

Condom advertisement

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

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By Rick - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

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By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

No smoking

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

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By Mcwifi - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

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By Limalia - Switzerland

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was woken up by an overly sappy good morning text from my boyfriend, complete with kissy-face images. Before I could text him back, he sent a follow-up. "Oops. Wrong person." Wait, what? FML

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By asdfjkl - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

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By Xerfox - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

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By awalc - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

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By fyourlife - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

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By hot coffee - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

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By failbaby - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

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By Chessmomma3

Today, my 18-month-old found our "naughty drawer." I found her carrying a "toy" all over the house. FML

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By anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

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By Hunter Ferguson - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML

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By Niles - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

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By devigsgirl - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

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By Steven - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Judgmental much?

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

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By meantowheels - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roscoe

Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML

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By Iris - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

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Top comments

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

COMMENTS

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7669516 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Mr_Mole | 24

#7669577 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:35

She just became the woman who gave birth to him. She’s not a mother.

Reply

bkwusa | 15

#7669944 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 15:23

That might be true if he lived in the Western world of law and order... Not so much in Asia where this comes from.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669504 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:10

Just to clarify, by "informal lender" you mean loanshark who is going to break legs if not paid?

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7669510 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:20

tell him no and that she did it without your knowledge

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7669520 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:42

Loan sharks have rebranded well!

Are your kneecaps worth more than your wife’s car?

By burnforeternity | 30

#7669528 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:59

He can’t take it. If mom’s name isn’t on the title, she has no legal claim to it, therefore she cannot offer it as collateral.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7669560 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:03

Loan shark is the actual name of this guy.

By Rodville | 28

#7669575 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:26

All the comments here are from people thinking he’s in the US. LOL

Reply

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669683 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 7:06

When I made my comment I thought he was in the Philippines as the big heading above the comment states. They do have loansharks there as well you know?

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7669818 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 12:39

This comment is from someone who thinks that loansharks/gangs are only in the US. LOL

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#7669926 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 14:39

Nope. I knew exactly where OP was. Why do you think laws, loan sharks, and trade practice are unique to the US?

By Davros | 12

#7669603 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 0:21

Shylock? I think your mom is broken.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7669668 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 3:40

Damn sounds like something my relatives would do,time to pack up mom for anywhere else.