Mamma Mia! - FML

By time to move out... mom! - 1/8/2018 02:30 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, an informal lender came, greeting me a good morning with an "I'm here to take that car in your garage." Appalled, I demanded an explanation. Apparently, Mom took a rather substantial loan from him 3 months ago, paid him ziltch, and declared the car as collateral. It's my wife's car. FML

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By fuckmuppet - 27/5/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

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By "lk07" - 23/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

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By RavingLunatic - 1/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

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By skyphoenix - 12/8/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 09:37 - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2011 11:51 - United States

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

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By fabs1171 - 29/11/2012 05:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2019 20:00

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

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By ohgodwhy - 18/9/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

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By why they bomb - 9/3/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

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By kklaucen14 - 6/8/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

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By grounded. - 2/3/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

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By James - 26/8/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

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By minnie - 28/8/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

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By sam.exe - 29/4/2016 19:26 - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2014 09:34 - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

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By Scotty - 28/7/2014 10:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

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By alexo - 23/5/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 6/3/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

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By Silverfeathery - 2/12/2014 02:06

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

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By canadiansun - 26/2/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 10:23 - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

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By blah - 19/1/2016 20:53 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

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By visn - 17/6/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

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By ljcxo17 - 1/7/2011 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

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By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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By Math_Rocker - 2/9/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

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By vaylosa - 22/2/2015 20:36

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

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By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/6/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

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By Terry - 5/12/2018 17:30

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge she ruined the ending of assassins creed which she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

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By ManinBlack - 14/9/2011 01:30 - Canada

Today, after months of looking forward to my new fencing lessons and speculating endlessly about the people who might be in my class, I went to my first lesson. I was the only one who showed up. FML

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By clementine_k - 22/3/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

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By yayme. - 11/7/2013 22:26 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

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By FMyJob - 6/11/2015 23:59 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, despite having my 5-day-leave approved 2 months ago, my boss demanded I return to work in the middle of it. Why? She wants to go on a vacation and no one else is available at such short notice. FML

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By suspended - 9/8/2014 00:16 - Australia

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

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By sneezeattack - 14/5/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

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Top comments

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

COMMENTS

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7669516 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Mr_Mole | 24

#7669577 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:35

She just became the woman who gave birth to him. She’s not a mother.

Reply

bkwusa | 15

#7669944 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 15:23

That might be true if he lived in the Western world of law and order... Not so much in Asia where this comes from.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669504 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:10

Just to clarify, by "informal lender" you mean loanshark who is going to break legs if not paid?

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7669510 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:20

tell him no and that she did it without your knowledge

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7669520 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:42

Loan sharks have rebranded well!

Are your kneecaps worth more than your wife’s car?

By burnforeternity | 30

#7669528 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:59

He can’t take it. If mom’s name isn’t on the title, she has no legal claim to it, therefore she cannot offer it as collateral.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7669560 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:03

Loan shark is the actual name of this guy.

By Rodville | 28

#7669575 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:26

All the comments here are from people thinking he’s in the US. LOL

Reply

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669683 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 7:06

When I made my comment I thought he was in the Philippines as the big heading above the comment states. They do have loansharks there as well you know?

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7669818 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 12:39

This comment is from someone who thinks that loansharks/gangs are only in the US. LOL

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#7669926 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 14:39

Nope. I knew exactly where OP was. Why do you think laws, loan sharks, and trade practice are unique to the US?

By Davros | 12

#7669603 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 0:21

Shylock? I think your mom is broken.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7669668 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 3:40

Damn sounds like something my relatives would do,time to pack up mom for anywhere else.