Money and Transportation: Mamma Mia! - FML

By time to move out... mom! - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, an informal lender came, greeting me a good morning with an "I'm here to take that car in your garage." Appalled, I demanded an explanation. Apparently, Mom took a rather substantial loan from him 3 months ago, paid him ziltch, and declared the car as collateral. It's my wife's car. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

This Charming Man

Not my sunnies!

By sparkynobe - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

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By Arp - United States

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

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By duh - United States

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

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By kaheera4 - United States

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

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By Judy - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

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By knock_out - United States

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

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By ChiefKoala - United States - Rockwood

Vibrate mode

Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML

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By nic - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Overijse

Today, a friend pointed out to me that my girlfriend of 5 years looks a bit like my mom. She does, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

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By sammy77sam - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

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By anythingjean - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

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By owwwww - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

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By LonelyMe

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

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By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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By coolhand - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brantford

Thanks dad

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

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By

Today, I wasn't sure whether it was past the time when they stopped giving out parking tickets. I checked the meters on either side of my car, and both were expired, so I figured I was good. I came back out to all three of us having tickets. FML

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By knolan - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

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By Alanis - United States

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

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By dwood08 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

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By now have a cat - United States - Glenview

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML

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By jsw029 - United States

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Logan

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

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By stupid - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

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By Amy

Adapt, overcome, improvise

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

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By fmysexlife - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

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By Kerrilyn - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 14:02

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

Today, my father decided that he "wants to get rich." His method of choice? Bitcoin trading. He's already lost a lot of money, but won't stop, because, "he doesn't listen to haters." FML

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By cjj325 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

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By coward - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

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By oopsydaisy - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

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By ohdear - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

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Top comments

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

COMMENTS

By evilplatypus | 38

#7669500 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 20:49

If mommy dearest isn’t on the title, he has no legal right to it. Call the cops if he tries anything. This is 100% between him and your mom.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7669516 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Mr_Mole | 24

#7669577 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:35

She just became the woman who gave birth to him. She’s not a mother.

Reply

bkwusa | 15

#7669944 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 15:23

That might be true if he lived in the Western world of law and order... Not so much in Asia where this comes from.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669504 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:10

Just to clarify, by "informal lender" you mean loanshark who is going to break legs if not paid?

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7669510 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:20

tell him no and that she did it without your knowledge

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7669512 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:24

There is no such thing as an "informal lender". What you are describing is called a gangster. And you mom has no ability to claim property she doesn't own as collateral. What you are describing is called theft.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7669520 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:42

Loan sharks have rebranded well!

Are your kneecaps worth more than your wife’s car?

By burnforeternity | 30

#7669528 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 21:59

He can’t take it. If mom’s name isn’t on the title, she has no legal claim to it, therefore she cannot offer it as collateral.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7669560 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:03

Loan shark is the actual name of this guy.

By Rodville | 28

#7669575 - Tuesday 31 July 2018 23:26

All the comments here are from people thinking he’s in the US. LOL

Reply

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7669683 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 7:06

When I made my comment I thought he was in the Philippines as the big heading above the comment states. They do have loansharks there as well you know?

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7669818 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 12:39

This comment is from someone who thinks that loansharks/gangs are only in the US. LOL

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#7669926 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 14:39

Nope. I knew exactly where OP was. Why do you think laws, loan sharks, and trade practice are unique to the US?

By Davros | 12

#7669603 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 0:21

Shylock? I think your mom is broken.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7669668 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 3:40

Damn sounds like something my relatives would do,time to pack up mom for anywhere else.