Miscellaneous: Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously... - FML

By save me - 30/05/2014 22:33 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 622

You deserved it 4 711

Taking stock

Broken heart

Hiding from the drama

By StillBurning - 19/08/2017 01:30

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 645

By dukemisery - 01/10/2016 05:34 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 940

Bitches

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 21:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, after spending eight weeks making a life-size clay Cocker Spaniel in class. I left it in the middle of a large table in the empty art classroom, ready to paint, and went to the bathroom for a minute. I came back to see two young girls shiftily running out of said classroom, walked in and it was in shards on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 140

By Nomoreballs - 10/07/2012 23:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 662

You deserved it 6 414

By bdjsbskl - 07/10/2011 05:55 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 538

You deserved it 2 366

By notapetkiller - 26/07/2016 06:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog that had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 921

You deserved it 1 616

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 611

You deserved it 3 596

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 264

You deserved it 3 467

By now sharing the blessing - 21/11/2018 23:00 - United States - New York

Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 074

You deserved it 156

No smoking

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 244

By Jack Faire - 12/02/2019 02:00

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 573

By seanzynotfonzyehhhhh - 04/08/2016 05:16 - United States

Today, my boss told me to find the bad smell coming from the apartment we were working on. I found the bath tub about 4 inches high full of piss and spent the next hour bailing it out into a bucket because the drain wasn't connected yet. I have pee stain in all the wrong places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 413

You deserved it 850

By blanknameisblank - 09/06/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 611

You deserved it 22 057

By AmySweet - 18/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 413

You deserved it 4 625

By torny>horny - 10/04/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 506

You deserved it 4 969

By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 801

By Username - 28/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 050

You deserved it 6 765

By JulieClaire - 11/03/2011 01:44

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 092

You deserved it 4 770

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 879

You deserved it 47 392

Routine

By youaresodumb - 27/09/2010 04:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 377

You deserved it 34 207

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 911

You deserved it 10 598

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 08/06/2018 15:00

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 281

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 04/05/2018 19:00

Today, I managed to electrocute myself on a plug socket while I was showing a group of trainee electricians how not to electrocute themselves while rewiring a plug socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 1 578

By lukas - 11/01/2014 00:24 - Canada - Lyndhurst

Spicy

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 793

You deserved it 8 437

By GrandmaShakers - 02/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 501

You deserved it 5 170

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 04:00

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 9 984

By herdopera - 29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 811

You deserved it 2 799

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 420

By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Spicy

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 523

You deserved it 16 384

By Thoughtless Wife - 18/06/2017 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced on Facebook that I did nothing for my husband's birthday. I'd just had major surgery, and I'm not allowed to drive or do much. We had a small party - just us and the kids - but didn't invite anyone over. I guess not inviting her meant we did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 594

You deserved it 237

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 574

You deserved it 1 741

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 10:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I came home to a flooded apartment and water still pouring from the ceiling. The woman who lives above me is shocked that I would consider her responsible for the damage and doesn't think she should have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 1 842

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 516

Locked out

By blank - 21/01/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 6 367

You tried

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 643

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 06:11 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 1 635

By blood buddies - 03/07/2014 17:53 - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 401

You deserved it 8 626

By EaglEye - 02/11/2016 08:29

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 816

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:11

Sounds like a true monster in law!

shadowdragon0820 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:12

I wonder what atrocities she has done to make you think like that.

Comments

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:11

Sounds like a true monster in law!

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Saturday 31 May 2014 8:03

dump her

xx000o 27

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Saturday 31 May 2014 12:50

Maybe you should consider not faking hers.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 20:12

best thing to do with monsters is slay them

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Monday 2 June 2014 17:35

Don't forget, Mother-in-Law is an anagram for "Woman Hitler".

shadowdragon0820 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:12

I wonder what atrocities she has done to make you think like that.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 9:43

Came to visit, probably.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 9:49

#2, I agree We demand a follow up!

clrichmond2009 24

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Saturday 31 May 2014 19:35

Personally, I agree with 38.

morzu 8

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

Oh how lovely it is that we never get to choose our in-laws. I hope you and her will get along sooner or later, OP. (fyl for sure)

pjsr 32

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:30

We DO get to choose our in-laws. No one should get married without dating long enough to know their future in-laws and how much of a role they will play in one's future.

cyttex 13

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:41

So by your logic don't marry someone you love because of their mother?

pjsr 32

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:55

One's future in-laws are one factor among many (but a very important one judging by OP's desire to fake his own death & the experiences of many others). No one should marry someone they don't love, but it takes more than love. One person might limit a bad mother's access to his/her life while another might continue to be codependent indefinitely. That's why there's no substitute for time in determining if the person you love is a good match for a lifetime together.

addictedtosorrow 12

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

What is she doing OP? Follow up!

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Saturday 31 May 2014 8:07

how'd you know her name was se? :O

trashcan_man 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:14

No. No. No. It is always better to kill the other person than yourself...even if your death will be fake. Why put yourself through the trouble when knocking her off would be so much fun?

ohcheriecherie 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 9:09

I think faking one's death would be a fun activity. and less jail time than murder, if you get caught.

clemsi 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 10:45

I am surprised Jesus is going the pro murder route....thought he was all pro-life and what not.

184886837272837 32

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Saturday 31 May 2014 11:57

^^^someone with a fedora trying to incite an abortion debate. Don't fall for it!

TheComedyAudio 29

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:15

Marriage is full of surprises....

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Saturday 31 May 2014 10:51

This is a damn shame. So mothers in law suck!!! Am about to become a mother in law and am so excited to be everything my new daughter needs! I will be the best damn mother possible!

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Saturday 31 May 2014 22:36

That could be part of the problem....

SynysterNero 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:15

I feel like we are missing a big chunk of the story here.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:15

I have one like that... my own wife wont tell her where we live and makes sure she doesn't get followed back the few times she visits her own mom.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:15

I'm sure that is an exaggeration.

6demon6spawn6 12

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:16

you married your wife, not her family, so you dont have to be around your mother in law.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:20

It would be a bit hard if OP's partner is close to her. And she comes round every Sunday for tea and scones. Also OP kinda did marry her family. We all learned that from Shrek 2.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 6:35

Uh OP never said they were female there's nothing in this post indicating gender except the fact they have a mother in law

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Saturday 31 May 2014 10:13

#31 uh, except for the little gender symbol next to OPs name. it might not be the case for you, but thats where everyone is getting this little bit of information from.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 1 080

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 177