Miscellaneous: Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

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Proactive

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Sorry…

By BadKitty42 - United States

Work sucks, I know

Today, it was my last day at work. I was offered a better job and accepted. Not wanting to leave my present boss hanging, I asked for time to give notice. While I trained my replacement, the owner at the new job had time to think about how slow the season is, and he decided not to fill the position. FML

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By Thatguynoonelikes - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Binghamton

Today, I found out that my best friend used the sexy dance moves she asked me to teach her to get into my ex-boyfriend’s pants. We dated for two years and broke up less than a week ago. FML

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By Suprise - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

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By AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

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By Anon - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

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By baldspot - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

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By Harejordan - United States

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

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By ohshootgirl - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

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By J - United States

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

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By StupidSecurityConsultant

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

I don't understand!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

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By FilthyIke - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

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By NotSoYoung - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

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By AKN - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

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By confused - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

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By limecat - United States

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

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By Cheryl

Go, Vegan!

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

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By pirsquared - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

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By Marco

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

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By singleladynow - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

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By teinage - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

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By cderr - United States

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

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By kayak probs - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

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By daddysboy123 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By weeks - United States

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

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By lizzie - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

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By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

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Top comments

By TheFamilyElf | 17

#4248425 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:51

Stupid survey? Be nicer and maybe more people would give you birthday wishes!

Sorry op, that sucks. Happy birthday!

By GotBrains | 0

#4248485 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:00

Happy birthday! I suppose we'll see another FML by tomorrow saying " today I received more birthday greetings on FML than I ever had IRL or on Facebook, FML"
Sry OP, there ARE worse things in life.

COMMENTS

By TheFamilyElf | 17

#4248425 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:51

Stupid survey? Be nicer and maybe more people would give you birthday wishes!

Sorry op, that sucks. Happy birthday!

Reply

ladyLALAA | 28

#4248551 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:15

Yeah OP, it could have been worse, it could have been from your porn account! However, happy birthday I hope you ended up getting an amazing cake!

Reply

thiscrazything | 1

#4249040 - Monday 2 April 2012 12:43

Yes, things could always be worse, look at it this way, you have a whole new year to make new friends, so that next year they can celebrate your birthday! Good luck and happy birthday, OP.

Reply

siickman | 7

#4249088 - Monday 2 April 2012 13:03

12 is making a refrence to an earlier FML lol insiders are great :)

By PostItSticker | 11

#4248427 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:51

Time to get a life OP... Or atleast go outside... Hope it gets better

Reply

kateRAWR | 4

#4248716 - Monday 2 April 2012 10:09

Ahhhh , is that your dog ? Its sooo cute !

By rcgirl2 | 11

#4248429 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:51

Happy Birthday?

By Old_Man_Jenkins | 0

#4248459 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:55

Damn surveys

Reply

TheDrudgeChild | 4

#4248946 - Monday 2 April 2012 12:17

Hope OP enjoys having his inbox spammed by that thing for the next 5 months. Yeah, happy birthday.

Reply

rainbowbigbird | 7

#4249135 - Monday 2 April 2012 13:25

The gift that keeps on giving.

By Ruffclue | 9

#4248461 - Monday 2 April 2012 8:55

Happy Birthday OP. you still have whole day i m pretty sure people are gonna give you birthday wish sooner or later. cheer up : )

By GotBrains | 0

#4248485 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:00

Happy birthday! I suppose we'll see another FML by tomorrow saying " today I received more birthday greetings on FML than I ever had IRL or on Facebook, FML"
Sry OP, there ARE worse things in life.

By chris36taylor | 2

#4248494 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:01

You get what you give ;)

By monkeywrench1 | 10

#4248502 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:02

Now you see who's your real friends are.
(hint: the survey people) (;

By ninjadinos | 14

#4248528 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:07

Hey, at least somebody was thinking about you. Happy birthday, OP! I'd say have a good one but... :/

By ycrem0n | 21

#4248555 - Monday 2 April 2012 9:15

Well you came to right place, Happy Birthday!