Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
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Top comments
24788 7
It's your dads job to make sure your never having sex in your life.
corndog45 0
lol i am sorry
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Comments (76)
dex_ter 0
lol your dad is worse then Peter Griffin... sry for ya Meg
robertsk89 0
awww he's just trying to protect you. but I would also be pretty pissed. how did your crush react?????
Rainkicksu 0
Wow, I woulda been pissed. FYL
terriibabiiix23 0
lmfao ! you have a cooool dad (:
blamecanadaa 0
great! we are up to 20 comments without a reply, keep up the good work
sayy 0
that sounds like something my dad would do,
Skull_300 0
Did you tell him to go **** himself?
element7 0
lmao thats a great dad. obviously his way of letting you know he's around..he didnt kick the guy out, and it was funny.. you're mad now, but will probably realize the awsome later in life
DeathShad0 1
Father WIN! Isn't it obvious he's trying to get your 'crush' to not want to be with you? He's just not good at it yet, but still a win.
jc21_fml 1
haha best dad ever!