Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his...

By Anonymous - 27/5/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32022

You deserved it

2777

Favorite

Health

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Nice neighborhood

Don't give up

By ouch - 26/3/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32097

You deserved it

5416

Favorite

By itsbeenalongday - 27/9/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31785

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/6/2015 14:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45221

You deserved it

5518

Favorite

By Toothless_Lasagna - 15/10/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3302

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28434

You deserved it

2721

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 01:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25500

You deserved it

2314

Favorite

By Jordan - 10/8/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2779

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By Emoney1 - 26/5/2011 14:06 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31946

You deserved it

6822

Favorite

By crayons128 - 24/1/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31927

You deserved it

6562

Favorite

By AH - 7/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47766

You deserved it

4331

Favorite

By soccer_bball - 14/10/2013 19:32 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46768

You deserved it

7002

Favorite

By Benji - 20/5/2009 19:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51411

You deserved it

7464

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2019 00:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2049

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By tommy - 6/6/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51997

You deserved it

8294

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/7/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10257

You deserved it

79471

Favorite

By Hesjustapuppy - 10/5/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11537

You deserved it

1033

Favorite

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27679

You deserved it

3536

Favorite

By stupidteacher - 5/7/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14197

Phew, glad it wasn't me

934

Favorite

By SarahAnne - 13/8/2019 22:00

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I think I'm average looking. He told me that it was OK, unless he wakes up tomorrow with some standards, I'm good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1652

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By xOdaatx - 26/9/2011 13:01 - Australia

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42282

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By Sally - 22/8/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8869

You deserved it

69085

Favorite

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23656

You deserved it

1527

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3622

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Classy.

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4951

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By imsorrylove - 31/3/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14101

You deserved it

32951

Favorite

By LTJFP - 26/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37788

You deserved it

2219

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/11/2011 17:20 - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44210

You deserved it

3610

Favorite

By poop - 28/2/2012 07:10 - United States

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23774

You deserved it

12915

Favorite

By Thongy - 7/4/2020 20:00 - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1905

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Loser - 13/9/2016 12:10 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10801

You deserved it

1217

Favorite

By waxer150 - 22/3/2015 22:32 - United States - Ashtabula

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27194

You deserved it

8585

Favorite

By CJ - 12/8/2016 01:02 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15065

You deserved it

2278

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21998

You deserved it

85000

Favorite

By Lulu - 5/12/2013 23:39 - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41112

You deserved it

2362

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

No balls activity

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2496

You deserved it

596

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44577

You deserved it

6345

Favorite

By LFE - 16/10/2013 04:40 - United States - Liberty Hill

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27553

You deserved it

45245

Favorite

By jaderie - 21/4/2012 09:26 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26967

You deserved it

4688

Favorite

By sadsenior - 13/3/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73389

You deserved it

9998

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44900

You deserved it

5218

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RickySleeves | 20

#6303376 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:09

You mean he beat the candy out of you

By igg125 | 30

#6303382 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:10

Hopefully he didn't use a big stick

Comments

By abc2601 | 20

#6303348 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:00

Hope you are okay now, OP!

By TenebrionHZ | 5

#6303350 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:01

Hey, look at the bright side. At least he didn't demand candy.

HersheySquirts | 17

#6303417 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:36

I think the bright side of the situation were the colors of OP's outfit.

TenebrionHZ | 5

#6303432 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:51

Correct !

By karatekid97 | 17

#6303355 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:02

Did any candy come out?

cheesebond | 29

#6304137 - Thursday 28 May 2015 23:58

I'm here to confirm that this is a valid question

By samlovesham1234 | 9

#6303358 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:03

Must've been on bath salts or synthetic pot.

Epickitty58 | 29

#6304119 - Thursday 28 May 2015 23:00

....how did you gain this kind of knowledge?

By spinda | 22

#6303361 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:04

Ouch.

By tormcn | 26

#6303367 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:05

Was he doing bathsalts?

By Eloxia | 7

#6303368 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:06

Viva piñata!

By NoBookNoGood | 14

#6303372 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:07

That is FUCKED UP. just like him.... Hope you are not seriously injured.

By deademolover | 16

#6303374 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:08

and you didnt fight back or at least try to run away? en serio?

By RickySleeves | 20

#6303376 - Thursday 28 May 2015 0:09

You mean he beat the candy out of you