Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
He thinks **** is better than you... Time to step up your game. Throw in a strap-on, some Furbies, and maybe even a spaghetti strainer.
perdix 31
Face it, it's over. You don't have a husband, you have a roommate. You need to go find some hot **** elsewhere, because your husband has forfeited his claim to your vajayjay. Your moment of truth will come when you walk in on him jerking of to **** and point at the horse **** on the screen and say, "My boyfriend's dick is even bigger."
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Comments (109)
perdix 31
OK, I'm pretty much a stickler for spelling, but I can't imagine preferring masturbating to ******* a real, live woman even if she can't spell **********. I can only guess that he is also a grammar pedant and this "hadn't be romantic" crap is going to extend her drought for a long time.
rbueller77 0
I think it means he's turned on by her to the point that he needs to beat it but doesn't expect to get any from her so ydi
omghehehe 0
That doesn't seem right at all! There has to be a lot more to the story. You took the time to be proactive with sex (clean, shaved pussy, and all). Then he left a warm willing body to **********? No, no, no....I don't believe it. There has to be more! But, whatever it is, your husband asking for breakfast Kills! How disrespectful! Make your own Damn breakfast Asshole! :D
Freed0mfr1es 0
owned!
thatnewyorker 0
Try wrapping your hand around his penis next time.
lol_our_lives 4
Wait a minute, she never mentioned that she took a bath because she wanted to have sex! It cud be an idea that she is trying give for the effort she had put to be romantic. And sorry to say babe, ur husband is an asshole!! He does not have any respect for you or your feelings! "whats for breakfast?" WTF!!!!!
GiggityGiggityGo_fml 8
haha. no giggity giggity 4 u!!
Trumpetowner 0
Jack him off then don't do anymore. he will come crawling back, trust me in a guy
Skull_300 0
Grow some balls Bitch...Strap one on and have your way with that Nancy-Boy.
Youd_laugh_2 0
*masturbated* (sorry, I know correcting is a douche habit)