Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
He thinks **** is better than you... Time to step up your game. Throw in a strap-on, some Furbies, and maybe even a spaghetti strainer.
perdix 31
Face it, it's over. You don't have a husband, you have a roommate. You need to go find some hot **** elsewhere, because your husband has forfeited his claim to your vajayjay. Your moment of truth will come when you walk in on him jerking of to **** and point at the horse **** on the screen and say, "My boyfriend's dick is even bigger."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
wingedtoad 0
Maybe he would desire you more if you had better grammar and spelling.
sgaske 3
@ lifesize_barbie: everyone says vajayjay. and it's ******* annoying. I agree with the dude about your bathing habits. ******* disgusting. I prefer **** to an unclean ****** too.
xoxcinderellaxox 0
i cant believe he does that in front of you! isnt he ashamed?!
lizz16 0
its really nasty when a guy does that in front of a girl... I would've made him make breakfast..
omghehehe 0
It's not nasty :) I like to watch my partner too :) :) ;)
ArmyOfSeahorses 0
So what sort of personal hygiene do you employ when you're NOT feeling all romantical? I wouldn't touch you either, you disgusting cheese factory!
Mortanious 0
I'm going with Bananaaa on this one, YDI and start having sex with your man more often once a year is not healthy
bugmenotmofo 34
OP, it can be difficult to all of a sudden feel the vibe, when your wife, that hadn't shaved in days/weeks/months (?) comes snuggling up to you ('cause the memory of the hairy wife sticks) with a haircut she made herself (sorry, but not even professional hairdressers cut their own hair, because they know this won't be ending for good)...maybe just think about that.
doggie3 0
lifesizebarbie, I say it too! Internet high five!
2npac 0
Romantical? lol!
Gitsandshiggles 0
what "hair" are you refering to?