Animals: Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't...

By emi - 01/07/2012 04:30

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 970

You deserved it 5 317

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By xXWhiteSheepXx - 08/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 752

You deserved it 2 414

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 274

Human! I request petting!

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 06:00

Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 140

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 6 875

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 4 966

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By MistofAvalon - 24/04/2020 14:00

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 114

You deserved it 6 047

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 7 310

Dr Dolittle

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 16:00

Today, my dog won't stop barking at his own shadow, my cat won't stop purring while kneading on me, and my new kitten won't stop squeaking. It's all very cute, but I can't sleep at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 301

Appetizer

By cacheson - 06/04/2022 16:00

Today, my cat woke me up by drooling all over my face. Whatever happened to “Cats rule, dogs drool”? FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 232

Isoldael 27

Sunday 1 July 2012 12:15

So don't let it into the bedroom when you go to sleep?

OhKariBear 1

Sunday 1 July 2012 12:16

You need the Cats From Hell guy.

Comments

rightspark 7

Monday 2 July 2012 8:54

So who's the pussy in this relationship. Memba that saying don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Greggums 2

Monday 2 July 2012 11:38

Just make sure to shut it out of the bedroom before you go to sleep!

krewer21 1

Monday 2 July 2012 15:07

It's amazing how well animals are training their humans these days. Do you bring back live critters for him too?

Squeaky_Tomato 14

Tuesday 3 July 2012 6:12

Haha sounds like my hubby :p

talloctopus 7

Tuesday 3 July 2012 10:38

My dog snores, loudly. Sometimes anyways.

everst75 3

Wednesday 4 July 2012 14:48

Just smack the cat. It's a feline you are a human, man up

Skittlez516 0

Wednesday 4 July 2012 15:20

You need to get a new rabbit.

fallenangel72 7

Monday 6 August 2012 22:33

Cats are gay.

snapdragon1100 7

Saturday 15 September 2012 19:08

Lock him out if your room.

obri98 10

Monday 15 October 2012 14:22

Awwww =^.^=

Keywords

Animals Cute Cats Family Awkward Sex Intimacy Alcohol Work Coworkers Health Psychology Mental health AITA Love Weird Relationship advice Cops Miscellaneous Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents Dogs Birthday Cake Embarrassing Cars Transportation Fire

The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 448

You deserved it 4 464

The Top

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 093

You deserved it 3 955

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 308

You deserved it 1 305

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 446

You deserved it 6 994

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 835

You deserved it 35 550

Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 485

You deserved it 1 284

Today, I made my way to a bar for a first date with a guy I had been talking to online. It turned out he was actually my ex-boyfriend in disguise, trying to get revenge for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 124