Miscellaneous: Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet....

By carpetoops - 21/06/2009 16:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 35 485

Miscellaneous

Batman

Gatekeeping gamers

Entitled

By scooter922 - 15/07/2012 07:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 201

You deserved it 39 502

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 08:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 441

You deserved it 4 161

By ZSL - 17/08/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 626

You deserved it 9 031

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 15:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 287

You deserved it 2 876

By butch - 13/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 2 367

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 00:29 - Serbia

Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 430

You deserved it 4 246

By boundandgagged - 13/01/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 4 971

By aireun - 09/07/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 41 965

Diblo's story

By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 200

Stay safe

By Sicky sick - 20/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm in quarantine after testing positive for Covid. Two weeks after starting a new job. Two months after receiving the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 145

No-life

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 20:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to spend alone time playing FIFA instead of having a relationship. If I ever find the CEO of EA Sports, I’m throwing hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 231

By URGH - 28/06/2009 22:08 - Canada

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 025

You deserved it 50 640

By fuckthat! - 13/11/2017 09:37 - United States - Madison

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 602

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 18:41 - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 889

You deserved it 5 652

Alas…

By Mum2be - 15/08/2021 04:01

Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 90

By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 745

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 366

You deserved it 818

False alarm

By sillyrabbit - 24/02/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said, "Hey" when he was next to me. He said, "The pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 380

You deserved it 46 505

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 4 683

Not so ready to rumble

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 14:00

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 143

You deserved it 9 752

By jasminejzhu - 14/04/2013 09:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 944

You deserved it 11 650

By Anonymous - 24/07/2016 03:18 - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 1 401

By State - 19/03/2017 02:00

Today, my best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I had to decline because the bride's family has deep prison gang ties and I'm a correctional officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 265

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 669

You deserved it 3 536

Leech

By upyours - 22/05/2020 17:00 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 164

By egghead - 23/09/2011 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 985

You deserved it 3 203

By Argh - 03/11/2013 20:18 - France - Saivres

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 848

You deserved it 9 255

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 05/04/2020 08:00

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 748

You deserved it 5 139

By cat.imakittycat. - 07/04/2015 07:14 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 024

You deserved it 2 444

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 17:27 - United States - Sandy

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 2 901

Fixed it

By JLO - 18/08/2011 14:11 - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my mum and dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 914

You deserved it 3 642

By anonymous - 23/06/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 926

You deserved it 4 099

By liquidknight - 10/09/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 849

You deserved it 3 965

By DamnDogs - 05/03/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 433

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 05/02/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 278

You deserved it 4 164

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 259

You deserved it 4 240

By AlwaysAfraid - 16/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 265

By Kimberly - 25/07/2009 09:55 - United States

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 275

You deserved it 9 001

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Top comments

uh_oh 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:09

A detergent that stains would be pretty ineffective... Lol That sucks, though.

manoverboard 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:07

Put some food coloring on it and make it a rainbow?

maceinyoface 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:05

haha man thats a blowout. one time i did spilt grape soda on a white rug and then i spilt milk on it to think it would make it fixed. now it smells like vomit.

silvermoonstar3 3

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:50

Are you serious? Milk doesn't stain things white. It just is white. WTF. YDI the vomit smelling carpet. Did you not then shampoo it out (using carpet shampoo and a wet vac)?

Delilahlilah 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 0:17

That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever read.

aback 4

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:13

...what? Milk?

CassT 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:49

@ OP : You're missing a comma. Things like that bug me xP

lendmeyourteeth 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:51

r u jk

Caayouteepie 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 4:23

hahaha realllly?!?

smiledearx 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 6:07

LMAO IDIOT.

madhops0620 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 7:48

The OP also used the word "spilt". God why can't people learn to speak english? The past participle of spill is "spilled". "Spilt" is not a word.

eira_fml 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 7:54

Actually, both are valid. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/spilt Personally, spilt sounds to my ears like what a Brit would say, and since the OP is from the U.K. that makes sense.

Finnboghi 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 9:27

It is a word, recognized by all modern dictionaries. If you're going to be a grammer nazi, at least be right about it. Also OP, there's a reason you can use detergent on your clothes and not have it stain; the colour simply dissolves.

Humanoid_fml 0

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Tuesday 23 June 2009 19:57

Seriously! Why would you think DETERGENT would stain something? Oh, and yeah, #87, you're an idiot. It's not that hard to look a word up before you go saying it isn't a word.

Teeheez 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 23:27

Milk, really? Damn milk does nothing with the color, just the smell.Talk about spoiled milk stench. Ewww. Maybe you should have thrown it out before you got a hint of the smell at all. I agree with you #101.

BABiiRAWr 0

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Friday 2 April 2010 18:53

agreed with 104

jkamme54 2

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Monday 22 November 2010 17:03

Thank-you

MOSESRAISIN 0

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Saturday 9 July 2011 23:29

wow u have no friends grammar nerd

stitesy29 18

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Saturday 10 August 2013 18:38

You dense mother fucker

SeventhFonons 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:06

Hahahaha nice Oh well, things happen

cuddly_scorpion 4

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Saturday 23 February 2013 14:29

I spilled half a can of black paint on my carpet. I made it into a flower design.

ForWhatItsWorth 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:06

Abstract :P Should have used a white towel. Taking time to think things over before acting helps!

silvermoonstar3 3

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:52

Especially since detergent, whether for dishes, clothing, or whatever ("washing detergent" isn't very clear) doesn't stain things unless you just never wash it off... and then it's not a stain so much as you having detergent left on your carpet. If it was for clothing, SUPER YDI since you should know it is intended for cloth and doesn't stain it.

KumoFF7 3

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:55

agree

your_face 15

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Monday 22 June 2009 4:16

If she was afraid it would stain her white carpet, she was probably also afraid it would stain a white towel. Hence, she used a darker towel, which she didn't realize would stain the carpet worse than the detergent.

Templemind47 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 8:46

agree

diki_fml 2

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:06

YDI

manoverboard 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:07

Put some food coloring on it and make it a rainbow?

McA513M 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:27

FTW!!! OP: One Word...DUMBASS

gizmo_987 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:09

Dang, that really sucks. I hate it when I try to fix something desperately only to find out I just made it worse, lol. Hopefully it'll come out.

augustdanielle 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:09

Lmao :DD

uh_oh 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:09

A detergent that stains would be pretty ineffective... Lol That sucks, though.

GR3453m0nk3y 4

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:54

yeah thats what I was thinking; why would you use a degertent that stains things!!!!!!!!! ITS FOR WASHING CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sappheyes 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 1:17

Maybe it was dish detergent?

kay71095 9

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Friday 27 July 2012 7:19

It says "washing detergent" which is the stuff you was clothes with...

mojo_jojo 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:13

I've yet to see a spill on here happen to a fabric that isn't white. I don't get it. You'd think at some point someone would find it just as bad that they spilled red juice on a light blue carpet or something. Anyway, it's your fault for not realizing that laundry detergent cleans whites without discoloring them. It's only plastered all over the ads and packaging.

bayybee 0

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Monday 22 June 2009 2:21

It could have been dish detergent. Sometimes I'll spill some on my clothes while I'm washing the dishes and it stains just like anything else if you don't get it out right away.