Intimacy: Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night...

By Barrel - 05/02/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 830

You deserved it 9 053

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 145

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 138

Busted

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 944

You deserved it 2 856

Classico

By Anonymous - 28/08/2025 20:00 - France - Nogent-sur-Marne

Today, it's been 3 years since my wife told me we should take a break from sex. We haven't touched each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 131

By an unlucky man - 05/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 059

You deserved it 3 114

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 01:00

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 649

You deserved it 791

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 334

Definitely maybe

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 00:00

Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 197

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 143

By TheLoneSoul - 13/09/2015 14:22 - France

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 173

You deserved it 1 618

pezzlo 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 0:45

Sorry, Rob. Alex

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:11

No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?

Comments

My2864 1

Monday 7 June 2010 22:42

lmao you havent effed your wife in 2 years ... relation problems much?

Tarak_fml 7

Monday 14 June 2010 16:15

simple solution. buy a gun. go to her work. follow her afterward. find the guy. cap his ass.

b182link 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 20:48

awww poor rob! :( i'm sorry!

hazelkee 0

Wednesday 23 June 2010 3:26

my mom and dad haven't had sex in ten years but they still sleep together

bonnibrown 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 13:22

whatever makes u sleep at night

hockey_66 0

Wednesday 7 July 2010 10:49

Obviously the fml wasn't that she cheated, but that he hasn't had sex with his wife in two years

B33FY 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 19:20

hey leave Bubba out of it, he wasn't even there.

TiNyBuBbLeZ 0

Sunday 18 July 2010 21:44

my life isnt even that ****** up

XxCrazygirlxX 0

Saturday 24 July 2010 2:09

WTF

soul_fml 0

Monday 16 August 2010 5:52

2 years? wtf

punkglamazon 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 6:20

they r u married, it can't b 4 d stimulating conversation

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 821

You deserved it 70 701

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 1 966

Today, I had a conversation with a girl on Tinder, for the third time this month. Just like the other two girls, she turned out to be a prostitute. Only prostitutes will give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 205

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 246

You deserved it 1 093

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 186

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 209

You deserved it 2 660