Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond...

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 934

You deserved it 9 562

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 773

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 976

You deserved it 5 025

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 291

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 542

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 890

You deserved it 20 855

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 367

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 110

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 4 951

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286 075

You deserved it 68 252

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

as260191 5

Monday 23 June 2014 7:41

Good news: It's not for you Bad news: It's not for you

KuzzBuzz3 15

Monday 23 June 2014 7:43

Don't get so anal about it .-.

ckcknight 13

Monday 23 June 2014 8:04

He's definitely anal over this.

heroforhirex95 17

Monday 23 June 2014 8:20

I see this as a new book title. "50 shades of horror"

kamehamehadoken 2

Monday 23 June 2014 8:25

Just tell her no. If you don't want to do it, she can't make you

dannnngthatsux 19

Tuesday 24 June 2014 0:41

Depends, if she is top, sort buddy.

Zedz 0

Monday 23 June 2014 8:27

Just take like a man, crying on your knees.

kevinwm0 15

Monday 23 June 2014 8:32

Maybe she's planning a threesome?

mkayden 23

Monday 23 June 2014 8:48

OP's username cracks me up

more4me 27

Monday 23 June 2014 9:50

We're gonna need a follow-up, OP! ;) Best of luck, bro!

zombraingirl 11

Monday 23 June 2014 9:58

Maybe she's looking to spice up the sex life?

Merylwen 24

Monday 23 June 2014 10:13

Chill out, it's probably just because you have a small one.

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Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 558

You deserved it 25 306

Today, I had to deal with a snobby rich woman who asked me to cure her daughter's "unhealthy obsession" with playing outside instead of watching TV with the rest of the family. She called me a liar when I said playing outside is a normal thing for a 6 year-old child to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 172

You deserved it 944

Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 739

You deserved it 974

Today, while in a crowded store, someone tore my mask off my face and ran away. Then before I could run after them, I got stopped and screamed at for not wearing a mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 88

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 254

You deserved it 955

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 680

You deserved it 3 663